These days we’re pretty spoiled. Good comic movies like Iron Man and The Dark Knight outnumber the bad ones, but for years, every single movie that came from the drawn page was horrible. There were few that were even watchable, and they usually tried to hide their four-color roots. So how bad were they? Well, just have a read over this list, and see.

18. Punisher

I like Dolph Lundgren. He’s an awesome 80s action star, not to mention he played Ivan Drago. But the original Punisher movie? Stunk like all hell. They took away Castle’s trademark Skull shirt, changed the origin, and had him living in a sewer with a drunk called Shake. Then they threw in some child slavery. It’s not hard to do a Punisher movie right: marine vet, family killed in Mob crossfire, goes on revenge. That’s all it takes. This would be much lower on the list, but Lundgren is a badass, and that bumps it up several spaces — having an MS from a prestigious university gets him mad geek cred. Too bad he was so bad in so freaking many films.

17. Judge Dredd

Judge Dredd is the most renowned hardass ever to hit a comic page — and you never get to see his face. Not at all. It’s a major point of his character. So what does the movie do? Take off his mask for 75% of the film, and pair him up with Rob Schneider. Do I really need to say more? The plot is muddled and non-sensical, involving super-villain clones and general stupidity. The special effects are hammy, the acting wooden, and Stallone doesn’t have the charisma to play a stoic, emotionless killing machine. Props for including an ABC Warrior in the movie, though. That thing was freaking badass.

16. Jonah Hex

The most recent crap film on this list, a blighted scrap of a film that deserves zero praise. Look, there’s a theme you’re going to see over and again on this list: changing things to heavily from the source leads to shitty movies. Movie Jonah Hex can talk with the dead, has hooker Megan Fox by his side, and relies on gadgets. Comic Jonah Hex is a badass. He doesn’t talk to the undead. He doesn’t need technology. He’s just a skilled killer, who can outshoot and outfight just about anyone. There’s no need to add magic or anything else to the story — the strength is in the simplicity. He’s ugly, and he will fuck you up. Nothing else to it.

15. Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D.

I’ll give the Hoff one thing, he’s a pretty good ringer for Nick Fury — the original, not the Samuel L. Jackson version. The Nick Fury TV movie had David Hasselhoff chewing up the scenery all over the place, desperately attempting to not look like an aging actor who can’t do action films any more. What a Nick Fury film should be, is about a cigar chomping agent extraordinaire, kicking ass and taking names. Plus, you need HYDRA goons dressed in green jumpsuits, so you can kill them off in great numbers. It should be sleek, pop-art, awesomness. Look to the old Jim Steranko comics to get an idea of how cool it could be. Unfortunately, that’s not a film we’ll ever see, as the next on made will doubtless be the Samuel L Jackson version, which will just make it a generic action flick with the words S.H.I.E.L.D. plastered here and there.

14. Supergirl

Oh man, the Supergirl movie. The one they desperately wanted to tie to the Superman films, but Christopher Reeve wouldn’t show, so they ended up using Jimmy Olsen. Jimmy freakin’ Olsen. And the plot! A magic MacGuffin that brings things to life! Lets not forget that the movie begins with Supergirl screwing up, and condemning her entire city of people to death unless she can track down the “Omegahedron” — they never really deal with the fact that the just about killed the last remaining kryptonians in the universe by being particularly dense. The tagline for the film was “Her First Great Adventure”, and her last — thank Rao. The sole bright point in this utter flop of a film? Peter O’Toole. Sure, he’d be in anything for a paycheck, but at least he could act his way out of a paper bag, unlike the rest of the cast.

13. League of Extraordinary Gentlemen

You know, sometimes I understand why Alan Moore is so freaking bitter, and this would be one of those times. There is nothing redeeming about this movie, nothing in the slightest. Gone is the wonderful pastiche of Victorian adventurers that was steeped in a dark and bitter tone, and replaced it with, well, dreck. They shoehorned in Dorian Grey and Huck Finn. Rumor is that Sean Connery came on board, because he had turned down roles as Morpheus and Gandalf, and didn’t want to miss the next big thing. Then he butted heads with the director, and forced the character to be changed to remove his opium addiction — a major part of the original plot. Again, needless changes to a great story, making it shit. At least they changed from their original plan to call it LXG.

12. Superman IV

There was a reason the Superman series went dormant for almost two decades, and it was because of Superman IV. With budgets and corners cut everywhere, the final of the Christopher Reeve flicks didn’t have a snowballs chance in hell of doing well. The special effects were cheesy, and location shots were minimal, as the production company just couldn’t get the funds to do what the story called for. Package with that a stupid plot about Superman destroying the world’s supply of nuclear weapons, and then Lex Luthor making a nuclear powered evil version of the hero, well, you can see why it might not have done so well. Rumor has it, that one of the original concepts had Christopher Reeve playin the villainous Nuclear Man in addition to Superman, which would have been pretty badass, though they already did something similar in Superman III.

11. Howard the Duck

The only movie so bad, that even George Lucas disowned it. How do I start with Howard the Duck? Shitty special effects, even though made by ILM? Retarded plot? Production plagued by difficulties? Inter-species sex? Attempting to make Jeffrey Jones a villain? Shamelessly stealing from Buckaroo Banzai? Or just completely missing the point of the original story? See, the original Howard the Duck comic was absurdist satire, with heavy emphasis on metatextual commentary and existentialism. To quote creator Steve Gerber “‘This is no joke!’ There it is. The cosmic giggle. The funniest gag in the universe. That life’s most serious moments and most incredibly dumb moments are often distinguishable only by a momentary point of view. Anyone who doesn’t believe this probably cannot enjoy reading Howard the Duck.” To which the writer of the movie responded, “it’s a film about a duck from outer space… It’s not supposed to be an existential experience.”

10. Fantastic Four (any of them)

I’m lumping all the FF movies together here. The shitty Roger Corman version from 1994, the overly slick 2005 reboot, and its shitehouse 2007 sequel. You know what, I can forgive the 90s one for being so utterly bad — Marvel only made it so that they could retain the rights, it was never meant to be seen by an actual audience. If only the same could be said for the millenial ones. Jessica Alba can’t act. Doctor Doom is meant to be an Eastern European dictator, not a Green Goblin ripoff who shoots electricity, and is played by that guy from Nip/Tuck. Michael Chiklis is a badass in other roles, but hated being the Thing, and it shows. Hell, he doesn’t even look like the Thing is meant to, who was designed by Kirby to intentionally not be of human proportions. The sole bright spot was Chris Evans, who excelled at playing a self-centered douchenozzle. What a surprise! Here’s hoping that the planned reboot of the franchise doesn’t quite suck so hard.

9. The Crow Sequels

The first Crow movie was pretty good — it performed well at theaters, was critically acclaimed, and inspired a cult following. The follow-ups? No…just…no. Horrible. Every single one of them unwatchable dreck. The worst was probably Wicked Prayer, which hit theaters for all of one week, before going to video. It starred Edward Furlong (the kid from T2) and Tara Reid (who has horrible in everything, but managed to not fuck up The Big Lebowski, which is the only positive thing I can say about her). It got 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. There’s a planned reboot of the original movie in the works, but it’s being done by the guy who did League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, so I think we can safely assume that the very original entry in the series is, and will remain, the only good one.

8. Barb Wire

Somehow, Pamela Anderson decided she wanted to branch from Baywatch and TV projects into movies (and not the home made type (oh yeah, I made a Pamela Anderson sex tape joke, I’M SO FUCKING TOPICAL!)). The chosen vehicle for this shift was Barb Wire, adapting one of Dark Horse’s bad girl comics from the early 90s. Sure, it had Pamela wearing nothing but bath foam, but she was in Playboy, we’ve already seen the goods! Instead, you just get a mediocre post-apocalyptic movie, with wooden acting coming from all directions. You know you’re dealing with a B Movie when Temuera Morrison plays the muscle (Lucas, I’m looking at you). The funniest thing? The story is actually a retelling of Casablanca. Sorta. That ranks right up there with Clueless being a remade Emma in terms of WTFery.

7. The Spirit

I have this theory: Frank Miller is a genius troll, who is using his position as a well respected comic creator to descend into self parody, and see how far he can take it before we all catch on. Everything he’s touched since 2000 has been utterly wretched. Have you tried reading All Star Batman and Robin? It’s utter tripe! And then The Spirit. Oh boy, The Spirit. Look, The Spirit was made by Will Eisner originally. He’s considered the godfather of modern comics. He practically pioneered the way we view comic storytelling, advanced panelling, and his work with layouts is utterly amazing. The Spirit was funny, deep, socially conscious, and touching. The movie was none of those things. It was just…horrible. Samuel L Jackson chewing up scenery as an utterly miscast The Octopus (a character whose face is never revealed in the comics). It’s like someone just threw a pile of money Miller, who spent it all on cocaine and somehow came up with this monstrosity.

6. Steel

Shaquille O’Neal is a huge Superman fan. He’s got an S shield tattoo, and his house is covered in the logo. He even has a giant, fuck off, Superman bed. Dude’s a famous basketball player, and wanted to try his hand at acting. So along came the mid 90s, when Superman had died, and four substitute supermen took his place, including Steel. Steel was a black inventor, who made himself a suit of armor, and went around kicking ass with a really, really big hammer, and gauntlets that shot railway spikes. He was a placeholder Superman, who then went on to have a pretty long and illustrious gig in the DC Universe, hanging with the Justice League. So, hire an inept basketball player to play the part! And completely remove all references to Superman! And make his hammer a rifle, too! And have his armor look horrible! Yeah, not such a good film.

5. Swamp Thing

Wes Craven is a bit of a badass director. Hills Have Eyes, Nightmare On Elm Street, Scream. But he wanted to prove he could direct action movies, with stunts and explosions and whatnot. So somehow he got paired with horror/action story Swamp Thing, about a scientist who becomes a creature of the bog by an explosion. The thing is, Swamp Thing the comic didn’t really get good till Alan Moore took over. The version they adapted was a mediocre comic, and so they got a mediocre story. Coupled with frankly underwhelming special effects, and you get an embarrassment of a movie from a good director. You know, when your main character is a shambling mound of foliage, you should at least attempt to make him look good.

4. Vampirella

As absolutely awful as the Vampirella film was, I have to give the filmmakers credit for attempting to create a movie from such a ludicrous story. Vampirella was originally the host of a horror anthology comic, like the Crypt Keeper, or Elvira on TV. But Vampirella is a sort-of vampire, actually an alien from the planet Draculon, where blood flows in rivers. She comes to Earth on a space ship, and fights evil vampires in a red thong-suit. It’s silly, campy, and it takes a special sort of madman to adapt something like that. Unfortunately, instead of being over the top, hilarious, and “so bad it’s good”, it’s just “so bad it’s bad”. They also took a legendarily buxom character, and cast a rather skinny leading lady, and dressed her in a horribly fitting latex outfit. Come on! If you’re going to do cheesecake, at least do it right!

3. Catwoman

You have to give it to Halle Berry, when this movie came out, and it was utter crap, at least she admitted it. She showed up to the Golden Raspberry’s, and even gave an acceptance speech, saying, “First of all, I want to thank Warner Brothers. Thank you for putting me in a piece of shit, God-awful movie . . . It was just what my career needed.” I think we all realize that Catwoman is a cat burglar, and romantic foil for Batman. So why make a movie where she doesn’t steal, there’s no Batman, and she gains superpowers from a cat goddess. How did that script ever get approved? Seriously, at what point in any human being’s thought process, do they go “You know what this movie needs? Less Batman?” That’s just not right, and anyone who thinks that way should be marched into a re-education camp.

2. Batman And Robin

By now, we all know why this one sucked. Bat nippled. Uma Thurman at her worst. Alicia Silverstone. Bat-skates. Bat-credit-card. Ice to meet you. Bat-ice-melters. Just…everything about this movie. Three letter passwords. Robin being a whiney bitch. Lingering shots of bat-asses. Rumor has it, that if you approach George Clooney and tell him you paid to see the film, he’ll personally give you your money back. Class act, that George Clooney. Class act.

1. Captain America

Oh man, this movie is so utterly, wonderfully horrible. Everything about it is joyously stupid, that it becomes fun to watch. Here’s a drinking game for it: every time a special effect is utterly unconvincing, even for the 90s, have a drink. Or every time you crack up laughing at the Red Skull’s makeup. The violence in it is surprisingly graphic given how high-camp the rest of the plot it, complete with Cap decapitating people with his shield, and Italian fascists mowing down villagers with gunfire. It’s a mess, but one that becomes infinitely more fun with the liberal application of booze. Fun fact, the guy who played Cap is the son of J.D. Salinger.