Poor Tom. He just can’t win lately. Especially not with me, since he is my current favorite crazy celebrity. I live for him getting nutting and doing crazy shit – which apparently he can’t help. Before Tom was Michael Jackson, and before that was… well, nobody. It’s a new fettish. But Cruise is the one that seems the most on the edge at the moment, which is titilating.

His latest scandal involves a poll by Parade Magazine that appeared to be tampered with. After finding that 84 percent of respondents believed that the media was responsible for Tom’s recent public image snafus, Parade execs looked into the results. They found that more than 14,000 of the responses came from only 10 computers.

A Parade rep added, “One computer was responsible for nearly 8,400 votes alone, all blaming the media for Tom’s troubles. We also discovered that at least two other machines were the sources of inordinate numbers of votes. It seems these folks (whoever they may be) resorted to extraordinary measures to try to portray Tom in a positive light for the Parade.com survey. There is even a chance they wrote a special ‘bot’ program for the sole purpose of skewing the results, rather than casting the votes by hand on a computer.”

Tom, Tom, Tom. First of all, it’s Parade. Who READS that anyway? Second of all, despite your belief in the high-tech E-Meter, our world’s technological advances seem to have escaped you. They can track where each vote comes from these days.

…uh, wait a minute, someone is ringing my doorbell…
You guys will not believe this! TOM freaking CRUISE was at my door! He’s standing here right next to me! He says he’ll pay me big money if I write something nice about him on my blog. Here ya go Tom: You have great teeth.
That’s 5,000 bones, my friends. Cha-ching.