The Struggles Of Being Married In Your Twenties

Luis Avilesortiz/Flickr

Luis Avilesortiz/Flickr

Getting married young is awesome for a multitude of reasons. Namely, you get loads of attention. When you get married a few years ahead of the curve, your friends haven’t got bored of weddings yet, and are still actually excited for you. You get first pick of dates, decor, and The Dress without getting embroiled in bitter bride wars — and nobody accuses you of stealing ideas from their Pinterest board. (Come to think of it, getting married along with everyone else sounds exhausting.)

But despite the advantages, being married in your twenties is actually pretty hard. You’re probably the only one of your friends who’s done it, and so you’re struggling through it all for the first time, with no helpful advice. Here are the main drawbacks you might face.

You have to justify yourself to everyone
Le Bon Karma/Tumblr

Le Bon Karma/Tumblr

People that you’ve literally just met will see the ring on your finger and find it appropriate to ask, “Are you sure that’s a good idea?” They will also glance at your stomach for signs of a burgeoning baby bump, or to your pockets to see if you’re stashing a Bible in there. For a long time I considered sticking a sign to my forehead declaring, “No, I’m not pregnant; no, I’m not religious; yes, I’ve thought this through.”

Your friends assume you’ll be boring now
Puns Of Steel/Tumblr

Puns Of Steel/Tumblr

Spoiler alert: when you get married, you don’t become a new person. You’ll still like playing beer pong and doing shots just as much as you did before you tied the knot, but your friends will suddenly forget to invite you, assuming you’d rather stay in and play Trivial Pursuit with your new spouse.

Nobody asks you for relationship gossip
a moody mess/Tumblr

a moody mess/Tumblr

You used to be the center of all the relationship talk. You loved regaling your friends with the juicy details of your love life, and even though you were in a long-term relationship, your shenanigans could still rival some of their one night stand stories. But the second you get married, nobody wants to hear it anymore. It’s too private, too boring, and everyone thinks you’ve stopped having sex anyway.

You can never admit how hard it is


For some reason, it’s an unwritten rule that once you’re married, you’re only allowed to tell people how wonderful it is. This is a myth, OK? While it’s lovely in a million ways, marriage is also really hard. And I don’t mean that in the cliche, nonchalant way you hear married couples say when one of them leaves the toilet seat up. I mean it is really hard. You’re trying to build an entire life with another human — one who has their own set of hopes and goals and values, and is changing every day just like you are, and is depending on you for a massive portion of their happiness, and also just chews way too loudly. It’s a serious challenge you’ve taken on, and none of your friends know a thing about it.

Being married in your twenties can feel pretty lonely, and it’s OK if you’re struggling to feel enthusiastic about it all the time. But when you’re feeling overwhelmed, remember that at least you have a partner to go through all this with together — and that’s pretty special.

Emma Oulton
Emma has more books than friends, and is perfectly happy with that arrangement. After gaining her English degree, she moved to London with a husband and a dog called Hippo, and now lives in a house so filled with mismatching rugs that everyone calls it The Haberdashery. Emma works in publishing, and live-tweets her life from @ee_ohbee.

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