We wanted to call this list “Top 10 Most Useless Warning Labels,” but the world that we live in is so unpredictable, it’s always better to be safe than sorry. Perhaps that was the thought process behind some of these warning labels, and at this rate, we can only hope so. Otherwise, natural selection is certainly gaining on us.
This Throat Cancer Pamphlet
This looks suspiciously like someone printed out a WebMD article… At any rate, if you weren’t clear on the fact that having a throat is a precursor to throat cancer, now you know! Maybe they were offering screenings for it and wanted to cast a wide net?
This Letter Opener
Staples is a company with heart, and they wanted you to know how much they value your safety as one of their beloved customers, so they took the time to put warning labels on all of the products that pose a potential threat to that safety. What they assumed you were going to do with this letter opener that necessitates the use of safety goggles is beyond me. At least they don’t judge!
This Coat Hanger
You can see from the example how serious of a threat this is. That poor man is likely permanently disfigured from his experience with swallowing coat hangers, and this cleaner wanted to make sure that it could never happen again. If you can open your mouth wide enough to accommodate a hanger without bending it, you should call the Guinness Book of World Records, not get it stuck in your throat.
This Dog’s Medication
Sometimes dogs will need a prescription filled, and most pharmacies around the country fill them because medication for dogs is similar to that for babies. Usually, it’s just a very weak dose of a standard medication that an adult would need. Those pharmacies take the same care in warning your dog about the way that this drug could interact with alcohol or operate heavy machinery. Unless your dog is Brian Griffin, though, this likely is of no use.
Do not put it on your foot or your backside for any reason! We don’t know what happened to the last guy who did it! Just don’t! Seriously, though, what has this world come to if something as simple and straightforward as a hat comes with usage instructions?
This Fabric Marker
Just in case the term vanishing wasn’t clear, this manufacturer wanted to protect you from the plight of disappearing ink. This is actually a very cool product, used to temporarily mark fabric for cutting or sewing so you can get it just right. After a while, the ink will fade off of the fabric completely. Why you would reach for it first in times of signing important documents is beyond me, but, now you know better.
This T-Shirt Applique
This was a picture of Shrek and friends that you could iron onto the front of your shirt to show off just how cool you were. T-shirt decoration options are way more widely available than you would think. Iron on letters, fabric paint, and all kinds of cool stuff are even sold at your local Walmart. I guess the company didn’t want them to fall into the wrong hands so they made sure you’d know better than to try and iron it against your body.
This Scrubbing Bubbles Product
This one ruined my weekend plans. The Scrubbing Bubbles Shower Cleaner is a life-changing little device that mounts to the wall in your shower and sprays it down with their cleaner at just the press of a button. After a few minutes of letting the foam hang out, you would rinse it off to reveal an effortlessly clean shower. Obviously, that sounds so convenient that you can’t wait to try it on your skin, right? Scrubbing Bubbles thought that you’d feel that way, so they added this preventative measure on the packaging.
I don’t know what this ointment is for. Some scouring of the internet turned up very few possibilities, but thanks to the efforts of the manufacturer I definitely know what it isn’t for. How would someone… even apply ointment to their brain or any surrounding membranes? Is this an image transmission from post-apocalyptic times where zombies have access to healthcare? I’m hoping it is because otherwise, the effort involved in actually getting this ointment onto the brain? Maybe you deserve whatever happens after that.
This warning label is just letting you know it is much serious very danger to insert any part of your body into whatever this machine is. Not everyone speaks English as a first language, and many people never speak any English at all, which is entirely okay with all of us. But, with the threat of invisible lasers so imminent, a clearer statement might be better suited for the situation.