Some products that are out there seem ridiculous and then when you try it, you can see the genius of it. But… Sadly, the ones you will find on this list probably don’t fall into the category at all. In fact, some of them border on terrifying, and they’re all downright ridiculous. If you’ve ever wanted to carry around a porta-potty, or you’ve ever looked at a baby with a stuffy nose and thought “Hey! I should put a straw in their nose and suck all of that out of there!” then maybe you’ll find what you’ve always been looking for on this list. Otherwise, read on and be horrified like the rest of us.
This is called Windi presumably because Fart Straw was taken. In as polite a way as possible, the way that you use this product is by rubbing your infant’s stomach down towards their hips a few times, and then you would do the same down their back towards their bottom, and then place them on their back and put their legs up by their head. Then, for whatever convoluted reason that the inventor of this product came up with, you insert one (adequately lubricated) end into the baby’s rectum and let the wind howl.
Gotta Go Poncho
A porta-potty in your pocket! If you have certain problems and you don’t want to give up the ghost and wear a diaper, or you’ll be out and about for a long day of errands with no bathroom in sight, you can slip one of these in your pocket. It comes with the poncho, pictured above, which was designed for maximum privacy. It also comes with a “Poop bag” and a “Pee bag” as well as some cleansing wipes. So, you can do your business in public without having to worry about anyone seeing you because you’re covered in a toilet tarp.
Ta Ta Towel
This is one of the few items on this list that seem practical because, for anyone who is a little too blessed in the chest, this is a Godsend. This towel is secured under the breasts and drapes over your neck comfortably to hold them up, so you don’t get sweat everywhere while you’re trying to get ready, but it is also great after a shower or swim because water likes to hang out under there when you don’t want it to. Supposedly, it is 100% secure. They come in a variety of sizes, patterns, and colors, and they are all reversible, so no one on Snapchat will know you wore the same one twice in a row.
We tried to come up with another clever moniker for this, but FridaBaby truly outdid themselves when they called it the SnotSucker. You put a little sponge in the straw that acts as an air filter, so you’re not inhaling any germs, but it is a sponge and snot tends to be a liquid so… watch out? You put the plastic end of this in a baby’s nose, and then just sip like an ice cold Coke on the back patio on a summer day. What? That sounds disgusting? Back to the drawing board, it is.
This is actually genius, in a way, because a lot of older men who love golf also happen to struggle with incontinence, which is natural as you age. But this is a little out there. This is a fully-functional golf club that has an airtight spill-proof lid at the top that you can screw off when you’re out on the green with ten holes to go and no restroom in sight. It even comes with a convenient privacy towel that can be tucked into your waistband, so no one has to see what’s going on. While this does have a practical application, it’s hard to believe anyone would actually use this.
Does the fact that your cat has an anus distress you very deeply? Meet your solution, Twinkle Tush. This is a little bracelet you slip onto the cat’s tail that has a pretty dangly jewel that comes in a variety of colors and patterns that will hide its anus. This is one of those products that you try so hard to believe is a gag gift, but the person who invented it was entirely serious, and there are thousands of people that use this on their pet every single day. You can “Give your cat some class” for just $5.99 plus $1.50 shipping and handling.
In this case, WTF in the title truly does mean Well That’s Fantastic! No more picking through your Lucky Charms like a pleb, you can move on to the high life and buy several pounds of them at a time off of Amazon. One of the worst realities of adulthood is that now there is no one to stop you from buying these and putting them on absolutely everything. You can buy a pound, 21 ounces, or 8 pounds at once. The seller also has mini marshmallows available in the same quantities. (As a side note, did you know that you can still buy original Dunkaroos on Amazon?!)
This is terrifying. This is a microwave-safe, dishwasher-safe silicone pig face that you can use to steam your broccoli. This is great for anyone that is struggling with going meatless and wants to encourage themselves in the style of Jigsaw while they make their broccoli. It comes in this all-too-real light pink color, as well as hot pink, lime green, yellow, white, and a charcoal color they’ve labeled black. America’s Test Kitchen has raved about it; one reviewer on Amazon insists that it “cheers up the kitchen!”
This spray has been around for a while and variations of it can be purchased from Books A Million to TJ Maxx. There is even a similar product near the check out at Wal-Mart stores now. We as a society have normalized this dreadfully strange product. This is a spray that you spritz into your toilet before going to the bathroom, and the oils or some other ingredient form a barrier at the surface of the water that won’t allow odors to emanate from your commode. We know for a fact that it works, but it’s still totally strange that someone sat down and came up with this idea, and then went on to become a millionaire.
This is as close as the world has come to real life Anchor Arms. The is… a contraption that you strap to your front to leave an impression on your stomach that makes it look like you have abs or “enhances” your pre-existing but somehow personally unsatisfactory abs. Dad bod is in these days, so this product may have outgrown its usefulness, but you can even wear it under your clothes to make yourself appear more cut. And Jeff says the ladies love it!