Hang on to Your Meds: “Hollywood Refugees” Randy and Evi Quaid are breaking their silence with a special warning for Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, and Mel Gibson too (Their words, not mine): “Beware of The Starwhackers!”

The Quaids appeared on ABC’s Good Morning America Monday, where they spilled the beans on an inclusive group of undercover operatives — “Starwhackers” — who they believe are out to take down the Tinseltown elite.

We don’t make this stuff up, People

Randy and Evi, who are accused of ripping off hotels all over the West Coast, say they’re seeking political asylum in Evi’s native Canada because they are afraid of an Illuminati-like group The Quaids believe are responsible for killing eight of their Hollywood friends, including Heath Ledger and David Carradine.

“They follow us, they tail us. They tag our cell phone, they hack our computer,” says Randy — best known for playing Cousin Eddie in National Lampoon’s Vacation movies.