Paula Abdul is opening up about the suicide of former American Idol contestant and alleged stalker Paula Goodspeed.

Goodspeed was found dead of a drug overdose in a car near Abdul’s Los Angeles home last month.

“It was devastating and tragic, and there aren’t enough feelings that I can articulate without getting into a whole plethora of things. I’ve got to tell you, luckily for me, I was at Hollywood week for ‘American Idol’ when it happened. I can’t even imagine if I was right there in my home.”