DJ Paris Hilton? “She Wants To Be The Queen Of House Music!”

DJ Herpes Hilton: Try that on for size.

Move over, Sam Ronson. Hang onto your turntables, Mix Masters. Imagine walking into your favorite hotspot and grooving to the rhythms of Paris Hilton. Would you think that was totally hot or oh-so-not? Eh — it really doesn’t matter because the socialite will likely be invading (or infecting, depending on who’s telling the story) a club near you quicker than you can say: “Washed-up hasbeen!”

In the latest sign that the US economy is on life support (and quite possibly a sign that the end is near), Paris has responded to the recent axing of her panned Oxygen reality soap, The World According to Paris, by (Wait for it…) looking for a new job. (Gasp!) One where she’ll get to keep her clothes and stay off all fours. (We were shocked too…) According to reports heating up the blogosphere, Paris has embarked on a global tour with House Music aficionados Afrojack, Deadmau5, and a bevy of other famous DJ in a bid to break ground as a female House DJ herself. (As if Jersey Shore hadn’t given us enough reasons to loathe obnoxious techno music…)

Anyone else smell a plot for a new reality show? (Shh! Don’t give her any ideas!)

A pal squeals: “She believes she can become the ‘Queen of House Music’ because no woman has ever taken over in that arena and she wants to become that person.”

Of course, this isn’t the first time Paris hasn’t taken her mouth off her smoking glass long enough to dabble in the recording industry. The socialite released her self-titled debut dance-pop solo album in 2006. Word on the Curb is she’s currently in Ibiza recording an album with David Guetta in hopes of impacting the charts by the end of this year.

We expected more from you, David.