Paging Maury! Notorious stagedad Michael Lohan is turning to daytime undisputed Captain Save-A-Hoe to prove once and for all that he did not father a fifth child while he was separated from then-wife Dina 15 years ago.

Set your DVRs, ‘Crunchers. This could get juicy. We can already see Michael doing the Run of Shame and collapsing in the Green Room once the results are read! (Grabbing popcorn and awaiting drah-mah!)

On Thursday, TMZ.com tipsters squealed that Lohan is currently talking to producers of The Maury Show about going on the Springer-esque talk show and taking a paternity test to prove he never impregnated Kristi Kaufmann. The news comes hot on the heels of Life & Style’s scoop that the teenager claiming to be Lindsay Lohan’s “secret sister” was legally declared a real Lohan after a court hearing in Dec. 2008.

For nearly two years, Kristi has been insisting that her kid — 15-year-old Ashley Horn — is the product of an affair she had with Lindsay’s dad Michael in the mid-90s. Michael was allegedly sowing his wild Lohan oats during a break from now ex-wife Dina. The tabloid tracked down Ashley’s birth certificate – which clearly states Michael as her father. Now Ashley’s mom is seeking 15 years worth of back child support. Eek!

“In December 2008 we had a court hearing that Michael was ordered to appear at for the DNA testing,” Ashley’s mom Kristi told the mag.

Michael failed to show – so the court ruled that Michael’s name could be added to the birth certificate. Lohan still insists he’s not Ashley’s father, saying he’d be “glad to take a DNA test.”

Despite their court-battling and tabloid-blabbing, Ashley has no desire to actually see her “dad.”

“I do not trust him, and I don’t want to be around him or part of his life,” the teen spat. “I could never call Michael Lohan ‘Dad.’ A dad is a person who is there for you and takes care of you.”

The Lohan patriarch swung by the seedy daytime gabfest last December to talk about the personal and professional tailspin of his allegedly drug-addicted daughter.