Lindsay Lohan would like the public to quit poking their noses into her private life. Don’t you people know that you’re keeping Hollywood’s original Mean Girl from securing gainful employment?!

We can always depend on La Lohan to bring on the LOLs.

“My past is my past and it’s been a long one, but I’m growing more and learning more day by day. I’m not the same person and I don’t make the same mistakes… I move forward and I change,” the troubled 22-year-old said in a statement to E! on Tuesday. “Life’s too short not to.”

“If people would just leave my personal life alone — because it’s really not that interesting— then I could land a great role, but all the sicko fans and the noise is so distracting.”

Everybody in the house say “Bitch please!” The reason this spoiled drama queen can’t get a job is because she has a reputation for being a bratty cokehead with a superiority complex. But we digress….

“I don’t drink, I don’t do drugs and I don’t lie,” she insists to E!.

HA! What do you call this, Lindsay? We suppose that’s Kool-Aid you were sipping out of that shot glass?

“I love to act and write and be creative, and I want to help people by playing characters that can send a positive message out to whomever may need it.”

For More Comedy Hour with Hohan, visit Eonline.com