Kris Humphries Didn’t Know He Was Getting Divorced

And now it’s the jilted groom’s turn to speak. But unlike the rest of the planet, he so didn’t see this coming.

In a statement, Kris Humphries seems awfully surprised that Kim Kardashian has tossed him aside like last season’s Louboutins.

“I love my wife and am devastated to learn she filed for divorce … I’m committed to this marriage and everything this covenant represents and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make it work.”

There there, Kris. She’ll drag this out as long as anyone will pay attention, so you aren’t going anywhere as long as you play along for the cameras.

Now dance, monkey! Dance!