As we reported earlier, Justin Timberlake and Cameron Diaz have been careening toward a split for the past week. FINALLY, we get an official statement, translated by Yours Truly:

“It has always been our preference not to comment on the status of our relationship and to that we say Nyah nyah nyah nyah but, out of respect for the time we’ve spent together and the realization that you all have already figured it out, we feel compelled to do so now, in light of recent speculation and the number of inaccurate stories that are being reported by the media. If you didn’t follow us around all the time, we wouldn’t be cruising off a #1 album and a #1 movie, so thanks, but we still hate you. We have, in fact, ended our romantic relationship probably a few months ago, suckas and have done so mutually and as friends, with continued love and respect for one another, even though we haven’t decided who will get custody of the career.” (Source: Breakfast at Tiffany’s)

Did Justin fall for Hottest Woman Ever Scarlett Johansson, or is he seeing a Tennessean wannabe? We suspect Cameron didn’t take the ring alluded to in his current #1 smash “My Love”, and if so she’s either a fool or mature beyond her years. Hey JT, if not getting married is a deal-breaker for you, there are plenty of other fish in the sea.