You’re nobody til somebody screws you….on camera. Jon Gosselin’s big day in court could end up sparking a mayjah scandal with the emergence of the Jon & Kate Plus 8 star’s secret sex tape, tattles dish in the new Nov. 23 issue of The National Enquirer.

No…Just NO!

Snitches say bodyguard Thomas Meinelt has been subpoenaed to testify in TLC’s lawsuit against the Octodad and the muscle’s explosive testimony could be devastating to Gosselin’s already tenuous public image. According to Stephanie Santoro — former Gosselin family nanny and Jon’s alleged Buss It Baby — Meinelt claims he saw Jon snort cocaine many times, and that he’s watched the star’s secret sex tape.

Kate will not be pleased.

“Tom told me that Jon was secretly videotaped having sex with a woman in Los Angeles in October, and he’s seen the tape! Tom said people close to Jon put a camera in his hotel room, and paid a girl to flirt with Jon and have sex with him,” Stephanie spills.

“He also told me that he saw Jon snort cocaine on more than one occasion, and that the more Jon got into partying, the more cocaine he used!”