Hugh Hefner is being sued for $3 billion by a Looney Bird Johnson claiming she is the reincarnation of “Venus Aphrodite Demilio.”

Wait — What?

Sheri Allred has filed papers at the Los Angeles Superior Court in which she claims the Playboy founder is part of a pedophile organization that targeted her when she was five years old.

“Yes, sir I am asking for 3 billion dollars from Mr. Hefner. He’s been after me since I was a baby. Along with a pedifile organization in L.A. When I was about 5 yrs. Old He mysteriously was underneath my bed and he grabbed my arm and said that he and forsay the beatles and he mentioned the names of them. I asked like in my head, since I’m a hat everone in the world heres my thought’s, a good way to establish peace. So I thought and said you’d better let go of my hand (sic),” Sheri alleges in the incoherent statement obtained by TMZ on Thursday.

Sheri – who claims she was “born the biggest hat in the world” -adds: “He’s always mayed my life my adopted families lives a mess you realize he’s suppose to be be the centaur of the greek gods. And since I’m really a reincarnation, I really am Venus Aphrodite Demilo the goddess. Along with roger dawson he’s odyeseuos and everyone I know knows this (sic).”