Confession: I’ve never seen a single episode of Game of Thrones. Not one. I’ve never even seen a trailer. So when people talk about it on Twitter (or in real life, but let’s be honest, I spend more time on Twitter) — I never have a clue what’s going on.
And it’s not an easy show to figure out from the outside. I mean, I’ve never seen Breaking Bad either, but I get that it’s about crystal meth. And I’ve never seen Suits but it’s definitely about lawyers. I’ve never seen Mad Men but I’m fairly sure it’s about smoking indoors. But Game of Thrones? I have no clue. I know it’s a little gruesome, and that there’s a lot of sex, and that there was a red wedding where a lot of people died or had a food fight or something. There might be dragons? I’m at a loss here.
So I’ve decided to figure it out. I’m diving into the depths of Imgur, and I’m going to piece together the plot. This is what I’m totally convinced it’s all about.
One girl is trying to find her family
So I think the main plot is kind of a Finding Nemo situation, where this girl who’s famous on Instagram is trying to find her parents. Her name may or may not be Arya, but I might be getting mixed up with Pretty Little Liars. Which I’ve also never seen.
Along the way she meets a kid with a smug face
On her journey, she meets this smug-looking boy who is almost certainly inbred. I don’t know his name, as everyone on Imgur seems to pretty much hate him, so he only gets referred to by strings of insults which I can’t repeat here.
Smug Boy’s father is called Jaime, and he got his hand cut off — possibly because of using it while fantasizing about his sister. His sister is called Cersei and she has great hair. The two of them give Luke and Leia Skywalker a run for their money.
Smug Boy is marrying Gretchen Weiners
She has big hair; I’m not sure what else she does.
There’s a nudist called Dragonerys
I cannot for the life of me figure out how this girl fits in, but she seems to be a nudist. She’s also obsessed with dragons, but I think she’s making them up because I haven’t seen any pictures of dragons yet. Maybe the whole show is in her head?
Jon Snow is sad because winter is coming
Jon Snow seems to be everyone’s favorite character, but all he does is sulk around in the snow. He probably doesn’t much like the fact that this show is set in the Narnia universe where it’s always winter and never Christmas.
I think he might also have had a brain injury because everyone keeps reminding him that he doesn’t know anything. He is most likely the Dory character in this Finding Nemo tale.
They’re pretty violent drunks
I’ve been picking up a few clues about the red wedding, and I don’t much like what I’ve found. It looks like everyone got really drunk and then stabbed each other, which isn’t very weddingy, if you ask me.
In the end, the bad-ass one will kill them all
The Instagram-famous one is pretty kick-ass, and in the end she’s probably going to flip and murder everybody.
So how did I do? Did I get it right?