Fanny’s OD was no accident. After being hospitalized for an overdose of aspirin and sleep medication in her North Carolina home earlier this month, former American Idol Fantasia Barrino has confessed that she was — in fact — trying to take her own life.
“I didn’t have any fight in me. I didn’t care about anything. I just wanted out. At that moment, I wanted out. I wanted it to be over with – all of it, all of that shit. I just sat in the closet and looked at the mirror and took all the pills in the bottle. I wanted to go to sleep and just be at peace. I knew exactly what I was doing. You can’t accidentally take a whole bottle of pills,” the mother-of-one remarks in a VH1 Behind the Music special, which airs on Monday night.
Fanny says she was pushed over the edge by the harsh public scrutiny she received over her romance with married father Antwaun Cook — who she met at the Charlotte T-Mobile Store where he worked in Aug. 2009. The star is even accused of harassing Cook’s wife and recording a sex tape with him.
“I was tired of people doing me wrong, constantly, over and over again, dealing with my family – my father, dealing with men and their [expletive] – I was tired. My head was hurting me. I was over it. When I met him, he was separated … wasn’t living in his home. He didn’t want to be back with his wife – that is what I was told. I remember waking up in the hospital [and thinking], ‘It didn’t work, I’m still here in this hellhole. Still here with all this drama going on.”
It was her manager, Brian Dickens, that found her near lifeless body in her room after the overdose.
“Her emotions were extremely low. She’d been crying all day. Fantasia was just numb. Fantasia texted me, saying ‘I love you.’ I wrote back, ‘I love you more.’ Then it hit me. I wrote, ‘You better not do anything or think about doing anything stupid.’ And I left it at that. About 10 minutes later, Fantasia texted me back, and she said, ‘Already did.’ I went into Fantasia’s room and saw her on the floor, and my heart just dropped.”
Behind The Music: Fantasia premieres on Tuesday, Aug. 24 @ 9 PM.