So much for a family reunion. Madge’s bitchy brother hates her hair and her boyfriend! The pair haven’t spoken since Christopher Ciccone released a scandalous tell-all book, Life With My Sister Madonna, in the summer of 2008, but that didn’t stop the outspoken sib from rasing his big sis in a bitchy tirade to E! this week.

“She looked like Rachel Zoe gone horribly wrong!” he chuckled when quizzed about about the Queen of Pop’s subdued look at the 2009 MTV VMAs last weekend. “It proves the point that you can judge a person by the company they keep — or don’t keep,” he added.

“It’s painfully apparent that Jesus may be able to turn water into wine, but your basic blow dryer eludes him.”