Britney Spears has killed her career, says sharp-tongued ‘American Idol’ judge Simon Cowell. The British record exec is convinced Britney Spears will never bounce back from her lackluster opening at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards. (Video Here) Read the rest of this entry »

Sanjaya just sang”Dancing Cheek to Cheek” in a performance that was both bland and appalling. Simon, clearly frustrated that America has allowed this farce to continue rolling through said:

“Let’s try another tactic: Incredible.”

Clearly, not realizing that Simon is trying reverse psychology in the hopes that praise will spell the demise of Sanjaya, the “singer” nearly fell over his own feet in joy that Simon didn’t berate him.

Terrible singer AND clueless. Awesome. Scary slicked back hair photo to follow when it breaks.

Simon Cowell has blasted troubled stars Britney Spears and British star Robbie Williams for checking into rehab, insisting they have no idea of what hard life really is. Read the rest of this entry »

BMG music exec and American Idol rarely listens to music outside of the workplace: Read the rest of this entry »

After watching the first hour of tonight’s American Idol and subjecting myself to the most dismal “talent” Seattle had to offer on day one, I think perhaps the highlight of the entire horror show was when Simon stood up at the end and gave the finger to the general population of the city.

If my eardrums weren’t bleeding on the floor they would do the same.

Let’s hope that the second hour offers up something to help the poor city redeem itself. (On the other hand in the time it’s taken me to type this up and post the image of Simon Cowell, the first person was so incredibly horrible that I’m wondering why I sacrificed Criminal Minds for this crap.)

The sixth season of American Idol kicks into high gear on Tuesday. And what better time for A.I’s resident wise ass to insult an American music icon.

Simon “That Was Absolutely Ghastly” Cowell appears in the February issue of Playboy-don’t worry, he keeps his shorts on. S.C took the opportunity to insult legendary folk singer/activist, Bob Dylan:

“Do I prefer Kelly Clarkson’s music to Bob Dylan’s? Yes. I’ve never bought a Dylan record. A singing poet? It just bores me to tears.” And since we all know Simon so well, it should come as no surprise that he just wouldn’t stop talking until he had stuck his entire head into his ass:

“I’ve got to tell you, if I had 10 Dylans in the final of ‘American Idol,’ we would not be getting 30 million viewers a week. I don’t believe the Bob Dylans of this world would make ‘American Idol’ a better show.”

Sorry Sim, but if ten Bob Dylans chanting “The Times They Are A-Changing” on A.I still meant watching Paula do the drunk “seal clap” while crying over random shit, then chances are you’d still be racking in the ratings.

In other “What the fuck” news of the day, Paula Abdul has been telling snitches in NYC that Simon “That Was Absolutely Dreadful” Cowell was her rock during the 2005 A.I scandal that accused Paula of banging the bejesus out of Corey Clark. You know that cutie biracial dude, with a singing voice that could scratch chalkboard, from Season II. Dollars to doughnuts says he blew somebody’s back out (screwed) to get past the auditions.

“I have to be honest about Simon,” Abdul told a New York publication on Tuesday. “There’s the times when he’s like a big brother – or a lover. He was extremely distraught and protective and supportive of me when that happened.” If there was ever any question that this chick’s sipping more than Coke out of that red cup in front of her during the show, comparing Simon Cowell to a “lover” removes all doubt. What the hell?

Ok-he had your back. We get that. But you compare the guy to a big brother or a dear friend-not a lover. Simon’s concerned about ratings tanking as a result of the male contestants tapping Paula’s ass-allegedly. So sorry Paul, Simon wasn’t being protective of you-he was protective of his job and seven figure paycheck.

For someone whose been in the biz twenty plus years, you’d think P.A would have learned a little bit more about P.R. Slips of tongue like this will get another A.I scandal started faster than she can say “Rum and Coke, please.”