Damn those old school Eddie Murphy fans! Apparently, Eddie’s fans are more than just a little peeved that Mel B, otherwise known as the “Black Spice Girl,” is calling the veteran comedian out on fathering the crotchfruit currently occupying her uterus.
They’re so pissed off in fact that a group of them have set up shop in front of Scary’s L.A home with the sole purpose of showing the British born singer just how “scary” they can be. Mel has secured twenty-four hour security courtesy of the Beverly Hills Police Department.
Eddie’s got to be the worst expectant father on the planet, as Mel’s friends tell it:
“She is extremely lonely in LA and her life is being made intolerable by Eddie’s fans camped outside.”
“They shout insults and give her abuse all the time. The police have decided to place an officer outside to keep an eye on things.
“She was living with Eddie before all this happened and spent all her time with him — now she’s all alone.”
No, we haven’t lost our minds with that headline - that’s just our clever way of letting you know who’s being inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. Don’t want to play guess who? Then you’re no fun - but it’s Monday and if you live in NYC you’ve been inhaling toxic gas fumes all day so we’ll let you slide. Here’s who made the cut this year:
• REM
• The Ronettes
• Patti Smith
• Van Halen
• Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five
Just one question remains - do we even care???
Dear Lohan Appendix:
How are you? When I heard that you were the cause of Lindsay’s latest “me time” in the hospital, I immediately jumped to conclusions that you must have been very, very bad. Toxic, even. I mean, I’ve had my own appendix removed and let me tell you, you little suckers may be completely useless but when you’re ready to make some noise OY VEY you can cause a world of pain.
Well, when I started hearing rumors that Freaky Friday was just using you to throw off the media I was pretty pissed. Exhaustion is one thing, an asthma attack another but come on - why take it out on you, her trusty appendix? THAT is NOT COOL.
I totally decided to never call her “firecrotch” (that is so 2006) but after seeing her photographed out on the town Sunday night I’m starting to think better of it. Maybe I’ll even coin a new nickname for her. “La Liar,” perhaps, or maybe “Fakey McFibs Alot.” If she had you removed on Tuesday, girlfriend would not be prancing about with The Cobrasnake, DJ Steve Aoki and Foxy Brown on Sunday night. But there are pictures to prove it, and well, sometimes you have to know when to admit defeat.
At any rate, I hope you got to enjoy a little time off for good behavior. If the other rumors are true at least you earned yourself a small respite from the vodka she was said to have been guzzling out of water bottles just last week.
Keep on keepin’ on, appendix. Maybe you should get Leslie Sloane Zelnick to represent you as well.
Couple months back, word filtered out that Screech Powers (yeah, we know his name is supposedly Dustin Diamond, but come on - who doesn’t think of him as Screech?) did a little acting with several young ladies and it was now available for purchase on DVD. Deviants throughout the land living in their parents basements rejoiced at the thought of seeing Screech do what we all know Zack and Kelly used to do behind The Max.
Only now it appears it may not be Screech in the film. Or at least the important part of Screech for this kind of film.
The New York Daily News is reporting that agent David Hans Schmidt, who somehow convinced some company called Red Light District Video to produce this bit of movie mastery, claims there is doubt as to whether or not the key element of the film actually belongs to Screech.
“I have reason to believe that is not Dustin’s [manhood] in the movie,” says the agent.
Yikes. Screech’s girlfriend, one Jennifer Misner, begs to differ and claims that the goods are genuinely, 100% pure Screech.
There is no word on who the stunt double may have been but we feel confident in these two words: Mister Belding.
When will Rosie get it? Nobody cares. Just when we thought the never-ending saga of RODO had flown the coup, Rosie spent half of “The View” taking pot shots at The Donald-and his hair, of course.
Back from vacation, and in her first appearance of Twenty Oh Seven, Rosie called DT “The Ever-Ready Comb-Over Bunny.” Manhattan has spent most of the day locked under a siege of a stinky gaseous scent-a scent which Rosie blames on Donald.
Even Barbara got in on the gags, flat out calling one of the world’s richest men a liar. “Everything he said I said about [Rosie] is totally untrue,” she said. (Insert deep sigh here) Don’t you miss the days when the most interesting occurences on “The View” was all of the fur in Star’s wardrobe? All is quiet over at Team Trumpm, we’ll keep you posted.
