Just when you hoped you’d seen the last of hip-swiveling, Chip N’ Dale dancing, drag wearing Patrick Swayze, he back. Here’s a link to funny commentary on Patricks new business venture – rap music.

Read Funny Blogger’s own Shannon Thompson’s commentary here.

I’m not sure how much singing he’s done in recent years. He had that one mushy hit from Dirty Dancing in the 1980’s and that’s about it. I guess Swayze has been gettin’ all up in with the rappers and has decided to incorporate “rap rhythms as an emotional undercurrent for ballads.” Yikes. Trying to imagine “She’s like the wind” with a rap undercurrent seems very David Lynch.

The Bush Administration is all for the little guy. And by little guy I mean a woman with big tits.

To help out little guy and fellow Texan Anna Nicole, President Bush is lending her his top solicitor to help argue her Supreme Court appeal. Regardless of the money she must of made on those top-notch Trim Spa commercials, Smith is still fighting for the millions of dollars owed her by the death of her husband oil tycoon J. Howard Marshall II. And I did say OWED to her – I wouldn’t have sucked that cock for nothing either.

The White House says its involvement is purely to protect federal court rulings over state rulings. Since the white house is aiming for a conservative majority on the Supreme Court, I can see why setting a (very high profile) precedence is important. First it’s Anna Nicole’s millions, then it’s Roe V. Wade. Watch out ladies.

The supreme court has until early next year to decide whether U.S. Soliciter General Paul Clement will be allowed to share time with Smith’s attorney during the one hour hearing. According to reports, Smith will be in attendance. It’s expected that she’ll stumble around, pose, and ask people if they like her body.

That gap-toothed Dave Letterman has a way with the ladies. Unfortunately for one misled woman, a restraining order against that wiley Dave Letterman – a Connecticut resident – requiring that he stay at least 3 yards away from her – in Santa Fe – has been dropped.

The Santa Fe woman, Colleen Nestler, claimed that Letterman used coded references on his late night show to cause her “mental harrassment and hammering”, “mental cruelty” and “sleep deprivation.” Nestler’s application for a restraining order was accompanied by a six-page typed letter in which she said Letterman used code words, gestures and “eye expressions” to convey his desires for her via the television set.

Nestler started writing “thoughts of love” to Letterman after his show began in 1993, and apparently he responded in code words and gestures. Nestler said Letterman asked her marry him during a “teaser” for his show by saying, “Marry me, Oprah.” Nestler claimed that Oprah was a code name for her, but that the code increased and changed with time.

In her own words: “I appealed to the court for a restraining order to keep this man away from me, but now that’s been denied me. He has access to me. He can actually come for me or send people. He has many accomplices. I know this sounds crazy. I was crazy to have listened to him in the beginning.”

Good call. If want to talk to someone through the TV, I go with Conan O’Brien everytime.

In addition to generally losing it, Courtney Love is losing a home in Washington state due to money problems. Failure to pay $367,000 in loans and legal fees has resulted in foreclosure with a Jan. 6 auction date. Purchased in 1997 by Love, court records show that Love has not made payments since 2003.

Love’s existance has been troubled since (and likely before) the suicide of husband Kurt Cobain in 1994. Now 41, Love has watched her career plummet as she deals with various addictions, which unfortunately include plastic surgery. The result has been a series of intoxicated public appearances with an ever-morphing face.

Most recently, Love attended Comedy Central’s roast of Pamela Anderson in August. Among other things, Love guffahed and squirmed in her seat, flashed her panties at the crowd, and acted high as a kite. In the words of Comedy Central’s publicist, she was ”acting like Tom Cruise on acid.” Before that, I recall her crashing a VH1 interview with Madonna by throwing her shoes from the street below, not to mention her perpetually irratic behavior at awards shows and terrible fashion sense.

It’s a dirty shame that Kurt’s former wife and grunger should come to this, but that’s the way of rock and roll. It doesn’t age well. It’s possibe that if he’d lived longer, Kurt Cobain would have gone the way of Courtney Love – turning out like Ozzy Ozborne or Axel Rose. Rocked out and a little sad. Who wants to punch me?

Basically, she wants to fuck around. And who can blame her? She’s beautiful with an extremely promising career. Why would she want to bang the same hot movie star every night? Her recent comments that monogamy is unnatural may or may not come as welcome news to boyfriend Josh Hartnett.
Take a listen:
“I don’t think human beings are monogamous by nature,” Johansson said. “It’s difficult – you have to put a lot of effort into a relationship. I think it’s hard for actors to date each other because they are so damn moody. You are away from people constantly and having a relationship that is strictly by phone, it is miserable. Or if you say to him/her, ‘Hey, (even though) I am doing a very sexy scene with this very sexy girl/boy, I love you and I’m going to be thinking of you when I am rolling around in bed with this person!’”
She’s got a good point. Put a bucketful of hot, successful, rich people in one small geographic area and craziness will abound. It’s like putting Paris Hilton in the same room with a video camera. Stuff just happens.
I think most actors are realists. They know that even if they commit to their partner, they really mean ‘Til my next movie or TV series do we part.’

I don’t know why I even care.
But when I read the headline ‘Jessica Rethinks Divorce Plans,’ I made me happier than a plate full of chicken wings.
I guess it’s the whole Newly Wed effect. I was there with everyone else watching their nutty marriage (or the part of it they allowed us to see). In any case, I was crushed to find that the headline was just a (very successful) ploy to get me to ‘click here’. In reality, Jessica just wants to change judges because she thinks the current one is ‘biased.’ As is common in Hollywood, they will likely seek a private judge. Curses!
I can’t say it’s the first time I’ve been emotionally invested in a Hollywood couple. I think the first one I took really hard – back in Jr. High – was Billy Joel and Christie Brinkley. She was his uptown girl, for chrissake. After that it was Kim Bassinger and Alex Balwin, and years later Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. Such a bummer.
I’m not sure why it’s so important that these relationships hold together when they rarely do for us garden variety folks. But it’s the dream I guess. I like the idea of pretty people in pretty houses having pretty relationships. And sex like porn stars.

Ah, Angelina Jolie.

I don’t think anyone can say they aren’t fascinated in some way by this unpredictable, neurotic and hot actress. Chicks want to be her and guys want to do her. And while Hollywood.com has named her ‘Entertainer of the Year,’ it’s been her private life that most people find fascinating.

One minute she’s sucking on Billy Bob’s tonsils, the next minute she’s adopting a Cambodian child.

One minute she tounging her brother, the next minute she’s the goodwill ambassador to Thailand.

Never a dull moment!

Now, amidst the whole Brad Pitt fiasco, current tabloid headlines are claiming that Pitt and Jolie have gotten married and that Angie may be pregnant. And her appearance on ‘Inside the Actors Studio’ on Bravo this year was FASCINATING. Here was a woman who knew she was on the hot seat, but remained poised and gave honest answers. James Lipton only asked her about Brad Pitt professionally, but she smiled broadly as if to say ‘Here we go!’ and spoke a little too revealingly about her respect for him as a man and an actor.

Despite her irratic/creepy behavior and Pitt’s destroyed marriage to Jennifer Aniston, I admire Jolie. It seems to me that having grown up in show business she’s been seeking sure footing. Now as a 30-year-old woman, I see a genuine desire to be and do more than her celebrity. I don’t think anyone can predict what the next year will bring for Ms. Jolie, but it’s bound to be entertaining and maybe even inspiring. So lets all raise a glass, tounge our brother and toast Angelina Jolie!

Nothing brings that warm, holiday glow more than another installment of the Michael Jackson drama.

On this week’s episode, Mike on the verge of losing his Neverland ranch and his 50% share of the Beatles song catalog. In true form, Mike’s wacky couch surfing friends – ‘the lawyers’ – come to his rescue. They assure the press that an extension of some sort will be filed, giving our little Mikey a chance to make good on the big-ol’ $200 million loan he used to purchase the catalog.

I haven’t seen the ending of this one, but I expect it resolves itself finally when Mike sells 27 of his marble urns, a life-sized Jolly Green Giant and a small hispanic boy.

When I heard the news, I pictured Paul McCartney jumping up and down like al little demon, rejoicing that that little ‘Hard Days Night’-stealing mo-fo was finally getting what he deserved. Me, I don’t take sides… but like many people, I sit back with a bag of popcorn during a train wreck.

Check out the Reuters story here.

See creepy Michael Jackson photos here.