Because we simply don’t have enough shows depicting pseudo-celebrities making asses of themselves, VH1 has stepped in to help.

“Famous Food,” which premieres this Sunday, follows seven people you may or may not have heard of as they work together to open a restaurant on Hollywood’s famed Sunset Strip. One of those “celebrities” will then be chosen to come on board as a partner by the guys financing all this to share in its success or, most likely, to be blamed for its inevitable spectacular flameout.

Here’s your cast: Incessant famewhore and plastic-surgery victim Heidi Montag; Eliot Spitzer’s call-girl Ashley Dupre; DJ Paul and Juicy “J” from the rap group Three 6 Mafia; “Real Housewives of New Jersey” harpy Danielle Staub; Vincent Pastore, better known as Big Pussy from “The Sopranos”; and Jake Pavelka from “The Bachelor.”

The extended preview below shows the usual reality-show mess, with stress and drama and screaming about crap that absolutely doesn’t matter.

But most disturbing of all, Heidi Montag actually looks like the grown-up in the group.

Watch:

Dear Recording Industry,

I know times are tough. Sales are down and those pesky internet kids are just ruining EVERYTHING, aren’t they?

I get it. I just have one favor to ask.

Could you please stop trying to convince the people from that insipid “Real Housewives” series that they’re actually singing stars?

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It’s Dr. Drew to the rescue! The Celebrity Rehab doc is giving Maury Povich some much-needed competition for the title of “Captain Save-a-Ho” and extending a helping hand to often-unrobed ex-Real Housewives of New Jersey star Danielle Staub.

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You’ve got to hand it to Danielle Staub — the girl really knows how to upstage a series premiere!

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Former Real Housewives of New Jersey villainess Danielle Staub is unemployed and on the hunt for a new “sugar daddy” to finance her lifestyle as a Franklin Lakes socialite — but this is one reality castaway who wouldn’t be getting any help from self-professed relationship expert Patti Stanger.

The former Garden State hooker was rebuffed by the TV Love Goddess after she contacted the 48-year-old matchmaker to discuss a possible guest appearance on her hit Bravo show, Millionaire MatchmakerThe National Enquirer reports in its Nov. 8 issue.

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