With temperatures in New York City well below freezing, Britney Spears left her boys at the hotel where the small family has been staying since the kickoff of New York’s Fashion Week two weeks ago to hit up Club One Little West Twelve in a white busboy jacket and a bikini on Sunday night. Read the rest of this entry »
Comedian Andy Dick was escorted off the set of Jimmy Kimmel Live after his wandering hand made one to many uninvited trips to the body of fellow guest Ivanka Trump.
Nothing gets my morning started off better than some good old fashioned blind items, courtesy of Page Six:
• WHICH desperate housewife (not from the show) who lives with her well-born, wealthy husband in New Jersey just bought an apartment off Fifth Avenue? She uses the pad for rendezvous with her lover of three years, a married exec with a financial services giant.
• WHICH Tinseltown sex siren with a humanitarian streak has resumed her old habit of dabbling with heroin? She paid a recent visit to an old rock star friend and joined him in narcotic stupor.
• WHICH married-with-children network anchorman is in trouble again with his wife? Someone tattled, and she learned he misbehaved with a comely co-worker at the office Christmas party.
Wanna play? Send us your nominees and get in on the game.
Dear Lohan Appendix:
How are you? When I heard that you were the cause of Lindsay’s latest “me time” in the hospital, I immediately jumped to conclusions that you must have been very, very bad. Toxic, even. I mean, I’ve had my own appendix removed and let me tell you, you little suckers may be completely useless but when you’re ready to make some noise OY VEY you can cause a world of pain.
Well, when I started hearing rumors that Freaky Friday was just using you to throw off the media I was pretty pissed. Exhaustion is one thing, an asthma attack another but come on – why take it out on you, her trusty appendix? THAT is NOT COOL.
I totally decided to never call her “firecrotch” (that is so 2006) but after seeing her photographed out on the town Sunday night I’m starting to think better of it. Maybe I’ll even coin a new nickname for her. “La Liar,” perhaps, or maybe “Fakey McFibs Alot.” If she had you removed on Tuesday, girlfriend would not be prancing about with The Cobrasnake, DJ Steve Aoki and Foxy Brown on Sunday night. But there are pictures to prove it, and well, sometimes you have to know when to admit defeat.
At any rate, I hope you got to enjoy a little time off for good behavior. If the other rumors are true at least you earned yourself a small respite from the vodka she was said to have been guzzling out of water bottles just last week.
Keep on keepin’ on, appendix. Maybe you should get Leslie Sloane Zelnick to represent you as well.
Couple months back, word filtered out that Screech Powers (yeah, we know his name is supposedly Dustin Diamond, but come on – who doesn’t think of him as Screech?) did a little acting with several young ladies and it was now available for purchase on DVD. Deviants throughout the land living in their parents basements rejoiced at the thought of seeing Screech do what we all know Zack and Kelly used to do behind The Max.
Only now it appears it may not be Screech in the film. Or at least the important part of Screech for this kind of film.
The New York Daily News is reporting that agent David Hans Schmidt, who somehow convinced some company called Red Light District Video to produce this bit of movie mastery, claims there is doubt as to whether or not the key element of the film actually belongs to Screech.
“I have reason to believe that is not Dustin’s [manhood] in the movie,” says the agent.
Yikes. Screech’s girlfriend, one Jennifer Misner, begs to differ and claims that the goods are genuinely, 100% pure Screech.
There is no word on who the stunt double may have been but we feel confident in these two words: Mister Belding.
Sources are saying that Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are splitting as a result of… well god knows, really. But we, the adoring/mortified public, can all see that they are a terrible couple. It’s time they saw it too. All I can say is it’s a good thing they have two kids now to keep things simple. AOL Music’s recent poll on the subject shows that 87% of visitors think Britney is better off single. I think prolly at least half of those people just want to bang her, but who’s counting.
I can’t even imagine arsenal of insults that Britney could unveil in the event of a huge fight… although the terms ‘no-talent, good-for-nothing, compulsive spender, fashion disaster, white trash, drunk, leech’ naturally come to mind. Hers prolly are less creative and more hurtful… such as ‘loser, lamo, asshole, scrub’ and ‘her baby’s daddy.’
In response, what could Kevin possibly come back with? ‘Bitch.’
Touche.
It has a sort of ‘Wacko Jacko’ ring to it, doesn’t it? I’ve made no secret of the fact that I think Tom Cruise will be the next celeb to publicly self-destruct. And just when you think he can’t get any stranger he says something random like ‘I’m going to eat my baby’s placenta.’
I know everyone else and their dog has written about this but just give me a brief moment to put in my two quarters. Who SAYS something like that? He claims he was joking but who even jokes about that? At times like this, I always think of sweet little Katie Holmes, who I used to watch religiously on Dawson’s Creek. Can she really be supportive of everything he says and does? Doesn’t Scientology sound just a little crazy to her? Doesn’t her lips eventually chafe from constantly making out in public? Doens’t joking about eating placenta make her want to say, ‘Tom, enough is enough. Now go kiss your gay lover for a while – I’m spent.’
Poor Tom. He just can’t win lately. Especially not with me, since he is my current favorite crazy celebrity. I live for him getting nutting and doing crazy shit – which apparently he can’t help. Before Tom was Michael Jackson, and before that was… well, nobody. It’s a new fettish. But Cruise is the one that seems the most on the edge at the moment, which is titilating.
His latest scandal involves a poll by Parade Magazine that appeared to be tampered with. After finding that 84 percent of respondents believed that the media was responsible for Tom’s recent public image snafus, Parade execs looked into the results. They found that more than 14,000 of the responses came from only 10 computers.
A Parade rep added, “One computer was responsible for nearly 8,400 votes alone, all blaming the media for Tom’s troubles. We also discovered that at least two other machines were the sources of inordinate numbers of votes. It seems these folks (whoever they may be) resorted to extraordinary measures to try to portray Tom in a positive light for the Parade.com survey. There is even a chance they wrote a special ‘bot’ program for the sole purpose of skewing the results, rather than casting the votes by hand on a computer.”
Tom, Tom, Tom. First of all, it’s Parade. Who READS that anyway? Second of all, despite your belief in the high-tech E-Meter, our world’s technological advances seem to have escaped you. They can track where each vote comes from these days.
…uh, wait a minute, someone is ringing my doorbell…
You guys will not believe this! TOM freaking CRUISE was at my door! He’s standing here right next to me! He says he’ll pay me big money if I write something nice about him on my blog. Here ya go Tom: You have great teeth.
That’s 5,000 bones, my friends. Cha-ching.
