A fan of Britney Spears was left stunned Thursday night.

Literally.

According to the sharp-eyed folks over at Defamer, Britney made the scene at a club in Hollywood called Tigerheat (we’ve never been, but it, uh, looks like a place where our heterosexuality would feel very lonely) on Thursday night with a few friends and a few bodyguards. As the crowd swelled around her roped off VIP area, some unfortunate fellow made the gargantuan mistake of reaching across the ropes and into the booth area. He was very quickly shot with a Taser gun and escorted out of the club by several members of Britney’s protective entourage.

We know what you’re thinking because it crossed our mind, too. Where, oh where, was this bodyguard and his little fun stun gun the first time Kevin approached?

Never let it be said that Kevin Federline isn’t all about his kids. And when we say “all about his kids,” we mean “all about himself.”

Federline has reportedly made this oh-so-generous offer to his soon to be ex-wife in their custody battle over their two sons: fifty million bucks and they’re all yours, honey. (We’re pretty sure he would still love them and stuff. Pretty sure. Actually, maybe they should write that into the custody agreement. Better to get things like that in writing so when the kids are referred to counselors, it’ll make things a bit more clear.)

Fifty million dollars is a lot, to be certain. But we urge Britney not be too hasty in her refusal of this offer. Does she want money in the bank or does she want to make sure her sons never show up wearing tiny little wife beaters? Does she want to maintain her wealth or does she want those two little precious angels hygienically healthy? Is the money really all that important when parting with it assures your kids won’t be forced to watch their father perform at their elementary school talent show? These are questions that she must seriously consider.

Our advice?

Offer him fifty boxes of Twinkies and a roll of quarters. We think he’d take that.

Actress Jessica Biel and New York Yankees frontman, Derek Jeter have taken their “relationship” to the next level-the Caribbean. Rumors have been circulating that Jessica is taking Derek to “seventh heaven” in more ways than one since November. Now New York tattlers have spied shots of J.B and D.J lounging around under the sun in P.R. The pair took the time to play some volleyball, and even tried their hands at a few rounds of blackjack while vacationing together.

Damn those old school Eddie Murphy fans! Apparently, Eddie’s fans are more than just a little peeved that Mel B, otherwise known as the “Black Spice Girl,” is calling the veteran comedian out on fathering the crotchfruit currently occupying her uterus.

They’re so pissed off in fact that a group of them have set up shop in front of Scary’s L.A home with the sole purpose of showing the British born singer just how “scary” they can be. Mel has secured twenty-four hour security courtesy of the Beverly Hills Police Department.

Eddie’s got to be the worst expectant father on the planet, as Mel’s friends tell it:

“She is extremely lonely in LA and her life is being made intolerable by Eddie’s fans camped outside.”

“They shout insults and give her abuse all the time. The police have decided to place an officer outside to keep an eye on things.

“She was living with Eddie before all this happened and spent all her time with him — now she’s all alone.”

When will Rosie get it? Nobody cares. Just when we thought the never-ending saga of RODO had flown the coup, Rosie spent half of “The View” taking pot shots at The Donald-and his hair, of course.

Back from vacation, and in her first appearance of Twenty Oh Seven, Rosie called DT “The Ever-Ready Comb-Over Bunny.” Manhattan has spent most of the day locked under a siege of a stinky gaseous scent-a scent which Rosie blames on Donald.

Even Barbara got in on the gags, flat out calling one of the world’s richest men a liar. “Everything he said I said about [Rosie] is totally untrue,” she said. (Insert deep sigh here) Don’t you miss the days when the most interesting occurences on “The View” was all of the fur in Star’s wardrobe? All is quiet over at Team Trumpm, we’ll keep you posted.