American Idol New York City started off with a high-strung, snippy gay man with a giant head. Seems fitting, dontcha think? The place was packed, yet only 35 were gifted with a golden ticket. And my prediction was correct: there was an assload of weirdos.
However, NY weirdos were a tad more intense than most we’ve seen so far this season. I mean, I was able to distinguish at least 5 different types of actual personality disorders in this bunch. So we’re talking real crazies. And FYI, I’m a counselor in my day job, so I’m pretty fucking serious.
Mental case #1: Our large-headed gay Ian. Diagnosis: Narcissist.
This guy’s over-inflated ego was busting out all over, which may account for his oversized head.
Mental case #2: Ashanti Johnson. Diagnosis: Histrionic.
She went to Hollywood twice before and got kicked, but she’s back for more. When they gave her the no-go, girlfriend put on such a melodramatic performance she should make her own Lifetime movie. Oh, wait. Fantasia already did that.
Mental case #3: Nakia, the big crazy girl who walks like a Weeble Wobble. Read the rest of this entry »
Well, I was hoping for pelvis-shaking goodness in Memphis, and … well … not so much. A little bit, maybe. Most of the shaking was kinda disturbing really. Especially the lovely montage of contestants butchering my beloved Elvis’ song, Burnin’ Love. Many large people were jiggling the poundage, but were more like hunks o’ burnin’ lard, not quite burnin’ love. At least not for me. But some people like that … so, whatever.
Anyway, the show featured a disproportionate number of stinkers again this week, and only 5 of the 22 who actually made it to Hollywood. Of those 5, I was digging 2 of them: Melinda Doolittle, the pro background singer who looked like she was about to shit her pants the whole time, but was very sweet and had a great voice, and Sean Michel from Arkansas. When I initially saw Sean, with his bizarre long Amish beard and Fidel Castro-inspired cap, and heard he was from Arkansas, I was convinced I was looking at the next Uni-bomber. But then he opened his mouth and out came a soulful rendition of a gospel tune by Johnny Cash. Hmm. Rather impressive. And he was doing a nice little backbeat with his hands and feet at the same time. So he also has good fine motor skills.
I was less impressed with the other 3. Sundance shocked me with how much he looks like a fatter version of my friend Tim, but with a horrid goatee that looks like he’s wearing a vagina on his chin. Hey, some guys would like that. His version of Stormy Monday did sound great, but I just couldn’t get past the chest fur fluffing out from his half-unbuttoned shirt. I also believe there was a gold chain buried in there somewhere and that’s just wrong. Unless you’re Italian.
Read the rest of this entry »
A couple of Seattle’s most popular American Idol rejects are enjoying the glamorous life in Hollywood since one of them was dubbed an NSYNC singing “bush baby” by A.I’s resident Gloomy Gus Simon Cowell.
“We can’t get enough of doing this and I can’t get enough of Hollywood,” Kenneth Swale, also known as Kenneth Briggs, otherwise known as Bush Baby, told Access Hollywood.
“We love Hollywood. It’s a blast,” adds his A.I buddy Jonathan Jayne. The two have spent the week since their on-air humiliation jet-setting between Jimmy Kimmel Live and the Today Show.
The pair even had a few experiences with some of Hollywood’s “friendliest” celebs: “Me and him both got invited by uh, Jessica Simpson, Christina Aguilera, and Nicky Hilton to go to a Hollywood party, and my mom’s like I’d love to let you go but we have to be up by 4:30 in the morning, get on flight to NY because you’re doing the today show,” K.S adds.
“I’d like him to apologize to me and my friend, I mean, he degraded a person so low to where they felt worse than dirt,” Ken complained to Today’s Meredith Viera during Monday morning’s episode.
Rosie spent the first two segments of The View blasting American Idol for the second day in a row.
“Isn’t that what America thinks is entertainment?” she asked. (Yep!) “To make fun of someone’s physical appearance and then when they leave the room laugh hysterically at them – three millionaires, one probably intoxicated,” she said about Paula Abdul and her…peculiar pre-Idol behavior. The whole thing, it’s terribly sad to me,” she added.
Well, you know what’s sad to us? These simpletons who are under the psychotic misconception that they can sing.
American Idol hopeful, Thomas Daniels has a rap sheet as long as Simon’s forearm, according to TMZ sources, including several criminal charges, like drunk driving.
TMZ is snitching that twenty-one year old was convicted of DUI in Clackamas, Oregon back in 2004. He pled guilty and was sentenced to a one-year alcohol diversion program plus a $680 fine. T.D also attended eight AA meetings and saw a therapist weekly for two months before the arrest was wiped from his record.
Let’s hope A.I producers don’t let this guy anywhere near Paula-we all remember what she did with the last ex-con turned contestant.
