Brooke Shields once contemplated driving her car into a wall, but didn’t because her infant daughter was in the back seat, PEOPLE.com.
The former child star â€” who has spoken before of her struggles with post-partum depression â€” revealed the full extent of her bleak mental state at her darkest hours when accepting an advocacy award from the Hope for Depression Research Foundation in Manhattan on Monday.
The legendary model and actress began feeling depressed after giving birth to daughter Rowan in 2003, following a miscarriage and seven times failed attempts at in vitro fertilization.
Shields said she couldn’t help but resent her daughter at the time for “ruining this for me.”
“I finally had a healthy beautiful baby girl and I couldn’t look at her,” she said, according to PEOPLE. “I couldn’t hold her and I couldn’t sing to her and I couldn’t smile at her…All I wanted to do was disappear and die.”