Last week, tabloid spywitness revealed that Britney Spears had been carrying a suicide note around with her. Brit told friends that the note would scornfully blame ex-husband Kevin Federline for “driving her to it,” and now we’ve got an inside look at what the alleged note actually says.

In Touch Weekly reports that Brit’s suicide note was recently found hidden in plain sight on her bathroom counter by close friend Sam Lufti:

“The letter was very sad,” says a friend. “It was filled with reasons why she shouldn’t live, included lines from poems about death. She said in it she was sorry for never making her life what everyone else wanted. She mentioned how lonely and unfair life could be, how peaceful death seems and how your mind would finally be at ease.” The friend adds, “She went on and on about wanting to just rest in peace.”