The age-old conflict between East and West is endlessly debated by critics in terms of soundtracks, acting abilities and budgets. We thought we’d add to the intellectual debate by examining what really matters to film watchers. Yes, you guessed it…boobs. Read on to see some of film’s hottest beauties pitted against each other before our judges. But who will triumph?
10. Tanushree Datta vs Carmen Electra
The judges love the size and weight of both these contestant’s creamy jugs, so it’s going to come down to form. It’s very close, but unfortunately there has to be a winner and Carmen is awarded extra points for perfect shape and pertness. Hollywood wins it – by a nipple.
SCORE: Bollywood 0 – Hollywood 1
9. Bipashu Basu vs Megan Fox
Megan Fox earns some quick early points by appearing in oh-so-cute pink lingerie, accompanied, by a teddy bear – but this contest is about boobs not bears. For sheer pertness Bipashu’s bazongas are almost unbeatable, so Bollywood collect the points.
SCORE: Bollywood 1 – Hollywood 1
8. Koina Mitra vs Jennifer Love Hewitt
The talent on display here is cracking – this is going to be a tough one to call. Both achieve excellence in size, weight and poise, but whereas Koina’s boast juicy pertness, the accompanying fishnet stockings on Jennifer have swayed us.
SCORE: Bollywood 1 – Hollywood 2
7. Tulip Joshi vs Gisele Bundchen
Gisele is clearly outdone in the size stakes, but her wonderfully bronzed globes are firm enough to open a beer on (which is definitely a good thing). Close, but Hollywood collect the points – although the judges have requested a thorough inspection afterward just to be on the safe side.
SCORE: Bollywood 1 – Hollywood 3
6. Rakhi Sawant vs Tyra Banks
Clash of the Titans here – Tyra’s milk factories are conceived on an industrial scale, but are they too large? Don’t be stupid. On the other hand Rakhi is hardly lacking in the size stakes… In the end we’ll have to mark Tyra down for the suspicion of foul play (a boob job). Bollywood wins.
SCORE: Bollywood 2 – Hollywood 3
5. Raima Sen vs Marissa Miller
This is tough. We’ve seen exceptional talent in the size, shape and pertness stakes but both these contestants bring all three together into what must be two pairs of nearly perfect funbags. We’ll declare this one a tie.
SCORE: Bollywood 3 – Hollywood 4
4. Malika Sherawat vs Jessica Simpson
If this were a melon smuggling contest, neither would do very well; as it is this is a boob perfection contest. Top marks to Malika for size and firmness; Jessica, I’m afraid your cleavage gap means we’re going to have to mark you down. Go Bollywood!
SCORE: Bollywood 4 – Hollywood 4
3. Brinda Parekh vs Heidi Klum
A pair of scorchers meet here in this clash of opposing styles: Brinda has gone for the sweetie-pie look, complete with ice-cream cone (which we hope she’ll be spilling all over…), whereas the sophisticated Heidi thinks it’s elegance men really want in her slinky black dress. Decisions, decisions… can’t we put the two together? We’re giving it to Heidi, although we would request that Brinda and her ice cream cone join us at the afterparty.
SCORE: Bollywood 4 – Hollywood 5
2. Celina Jaitley vs Lindsay Lohan
Just look at Celina’s magnificent mammaries! Just look, man! These are surely some of the advice most glorious knockers to come before our filthy mind. Lindsay, we love what you’re doing, but Pinky and Perky just aren’t up to scratch in this case.
SCORE: Bollywood 5 – Hollywood 5
1. Sherlyn Chopra vs Scarlett Johansson
So it comes down to the wire in the battle for which industry has the best boobs. Once again epic performances from both sides – great size, hang and tone. On the grounds of pure sultry, raw sex appeal, we’re going to give it to Scarlett and Hollywood. Well done both contestants.