Paris Hilton recently made it known that she wants babies ASAP. Why? Because, according to an article by Jeannette Walls, she doesn’t want to be an “old mom.”

What’s really scary is that Paris cites her experience with animals as proof she’ll be a good mother. Oh, please.

We’ve all seen the video of poor Tinkerbell the chihuahua stuffed into pleather pants, struggling to walk in gaudy shoes, and shaking with fear as Paris blissfully strikes poses for the paparazzi.

Will somebody please give this girl another movie deal?

Do it for the children.