So last night was the show that highlighted all the best and worst auditions that didn’t make the first cut. I’m not really sure why they bother doing this theme, because if they weren’t good enough for the first go round of episodes, why the hell would I be interested in seeing them now? Guess they gotta fill up another hour to showcase all those Ford and Coke commercials.

Anyhoo, the six of the additional Best were nice to see, though I really only LOVED the last one they featured, Lakisha Jones. She was there with her 3-year-old, and seemed genuinely sweet. Her version of Think was a powerhouse. However, she may wanna consider battening down the hatches on those boobs, cause if she makes it through upcoming rounds, the jumping for joy could send them bouncing straight through TV screens all across America.

Tami Gosnell I also liked, the chick with the lip piercing. She had a great smile and a very cool, deep down soul sound to her voice. Gina Glockson was also pretty good, although I’m suprised that she managed to sing as well as she did considering her lips were plastered to Simon’s ass the whole time. Plus, she was wearing those fake tattoo-design sleeves, which irritate me. If you’re too much of a pussy to get real tattoos, that’s cool. But wearing skin-colored sleeves with tattoo designs on them ain’t foolin’ anyone, honey. And Paul Kim did break the stereotype of Asians being bad singers, with his sexy, smoky voice. Now I wonder if he can do the same for the stereotype of Asian guys’ ding-dongs? Stay tuned …

I don’t know what the deal was with those roller-skating waitresses. They looked more like roller-skating waitress strippers to me, but I guess since Kellie Pickler that whole slutty roller-skating waitress thing is “in.” I’m glad the judges left Heather hanging, because she really did suck pretty bad. However, I didn’t think much better of Ashley, if that IS her real name. She looked more like a roller-skating drag queen to me. Seriously, I think she’s really a man. There’s a reason she was wearing so much makeup. Hello … five o’clock shadow anyone? Out of the three, Ebony was definitely the best, and gorgeous to boot. Great voice, great cheekbones, she just needs to lose her generic blonde sidekicks.

The additional Worsts they featured were awful, but very funny. Christa Fazzino’s outfit had me chuckling, though I can’t remember what she sang. I was just intrigued by the idea of her standing in front of a mirror that morning, thinking to herself Oh, yeah. Black and red corset, checked pedal-pushers, red hooker heels. Hmm, what would make this outfit really POP? I know! Opera gloves! One black and one white. And a black pillbox funeral hat with a veil. How does one end up with that kind of twisted thinking pattern?

William “Wes” was also a nice crazy treat, with his snappy yellow satin shirt. If you ever see a guy in a yellow satin shirt, he is a nutjob, unless he’s Elton John. Anyway, his original song was quite scary and the giant gaps between his teeth were even scarier. That dude could floss with strips of beef jerky.

The two Hispanic guys were cute, but sounded horrific. Now we’re gonna need a guy who can break THAT stereotype. Edward Sanchez only showed up to meet Paula and she fed his obsession by hugging him and kissing him on the cheek. Dude will have beating-off fodder for the rest of his goddamn life. Oh, and he fucked up that Donna song like nobody’s business. Just cause you’re Hispanic, don’t mean you can sing like Richie Valens. And Alex Nazario was the other one. He sang my favorite Air Supply song, Making Love Outta Nothing At All. Except it was the gay, heavily accented version. Very flexible, though, that guy. More flexible than me, so I gotta give him some props on that front.

I am very happy these auditions shows are over. Yeah, I get all giddy for them at the beginning, but that’s only because it’s been so long since the last season. That wears off fast, and now I can’t wait for next week when they’re all in Hollywood, where the good shit really goes down. 172 made it, and I’m predicting some delicious nervous breakdowns, titillating scandals, and screeching catfights. In other words, just good TV.