This week’s results are in, and four more hopeful contestants had their hopes shot to hell. I’m not gonna pussyfoot around; I’ll just get down to it. It’s easier to do it quick, like ripping off a Band-Aid, because it hurts me to have to write that my beloved cutie-boy, Nick Pedro, has been sent packing. But, but, but … he’s adorable! And he didn’t totally suck! What’s America thinking? Now there’s no guy left I’d wanna fuck, and what fun is that? It’s all over. No more drooling over a hot boy every week, no more excitement and tickles in the tummy when he performs, zero opportunity to see him live when the Idols go on tour. Fuck!

Oh, well. Now that my first fuckable choice is gone, I guess I’ll have to pick a new one. It won’t be A.J. Tabaldo though, because he got shitcanned too. And he’s not that hot. But he was sweet and did a pretty damn good job on Tuesday. It ended up coming down to him and Sanjaya Malakar, and if we’re going on purely the singing, than Sanjaya shoulda gotten the boot. But, the teeny-boppers seem to love him. I don’t know, he’s not my type, but maybe they think he’s fuckable.

No big surprises with the girls. Alaina Alexander looked like she had an idea she wasn’t making this cut, and that would be correct. After she was told the news, she thanked everyone and then told the rest of the girls to “sing their butts off.” Is that what happened to hers? Cause she has no ass. Alaina just couldn’t get her shit together enough to perform that Dixie Chicks song one last time. She started to, was really, REALLY screwing it, so she stopped and decided to hug everyone instead. Then she tried again and sounded horrendous. It’s no wonder she got axed. There was runny mascara all over the place, a real boo-hoo fest.

For the second cutting of the girl group, Ryan pulled Antonella Barba, Leslie Hunt, and Jordin Sparks down onstage. There was no way in hell Jordin was going anywhere, so it had to be between Antonella and Leslie. Of those two, Antonella shoulda been gone. She shoulda been gone last week. But she was safe and Leslie was going home. Did people vote for Antonella because of the dirty pictures? Scandals can be delicious, and maybe folks wanna indulge in her filthy-sluttiness just a little more before they dump her. You know, just like men do with slutballs.

I dunno. Personally, I think Leslie should have stayed. Antonella and Haley Scarnato were a billion times worse, but like Paula and Simon said, the “right” people aren’t always the ones voted off. Damn you, America.

During this results episode, we were also treated to a performance by the Dumbest Idol Contestant Ever, Kellie Pickler. That’s right, the idiot from hell herself stopped by to talk like a retarded hillbilly once again. She had spider sushi and thought it was really made of spiders, with the legs sticking out. I want to smack the shit out of that girl. I’ve had spider rolls, the “legs” she’s speaking of are actually squid. And if those things were really spider legs, it would be the biggest fucking spider on the planet. Anyway, she looked bad, kinda old, with a shorter, blonder ‘do and boobs busting out all over, reminiscent of the late Anna Nicole Smith. She sang a song she co-wrote about her deadbeat mama, who ran off when she was little. Sounds like a hit country song to me, they’re always about stuff like that. The other thing I noticed was that she put on a little weight, not necessarily in a bad way, because she was bumpin’ in that tight blue dress. I mean, her ass was like “Bah-BLAM!” Baby Got Back for a white chick.

So that was the results show this week. Interesting enough. We’re down to 16 and by this time next week, we will have our Top 12. Can’t wait.