Let me first admit that I did not catch the Top 3 performance show this week. It was due to an error in setting the TV and I found a British PBS special waiting for me, instead of my beloved American Idol. Yes, I was pissed.

The results show last night gave me a decent idea of what went down, enough to have no clue who would be sent home. Although I love Blake, I really thought he was a goner. After last week’s show, the Idols enjoyed a short visit to their hometowns, and we were treated to some clips of their whirlwind trips.

Jordin arrived home to find 10,000 people waiting for her and the mayor had dubbed the day Jordin Sparks Day in the city of Glendale, Arizona, complete with a mini – parade and lots of screeching pre-teens. She visited her school and saw her best friend, Bailey. There was much crying all around.

Ryan mentioned that Blake hung out with Sir Mix-A-Lot on his visit home, but I didn’t see the butt-loving rapper anywhere in the clips, so I think he may be full of crap. Quick summary of Blake’s trip: screaming girls … everywhere. I swear I saw one gal licking the glass from outside the window of the radio station where Blake was doing an interview.

On Melinda’s trip, she enjoyed sweet tea, met the governor who had the STATE make it Melinda Doolittle Day (not just the city, the whole fucking state of Tennessee), and visited Belmont College to find crowds waving signs and some girls who had her name written across their stomachs. Then there was an even bigger celebration in her church.

These recaps of the Idols’ trips home were very nice, but I wanted to see the real deal. I wanted to see them getting shitfaced drunk with their buds, talking shit on Simon, and sneaking off for a quick fuck before they had to head back to Hollywood. But, I guess it’s a family show and they can’t really air all that stuff. It’s enough for me to know it happened. Oh, and it did happen. There’s probably stuff on You Tube right now…

So I was shocked and dismayed to see that Elliott Yamin (troll boy from last year) was gonna be back on the AI stage. Holy shit, I didn’t think he COULD look worse. He got his teeth fixed, but somehow that doesn’t help. Now he looks like he got horse teeth, they’re all giant and fake-looking, like dentures. And who the fuck told him his hair looks better longer? I appreciate the fact that he’s trying to do something about covering up the jug handle ears. But that long scraggly mess is just making him look more like a dirtball. Like he needs a good shampooing. Oh, he’s still so gross…

Maroon 5 also played and they sounded good. The lead singer is now my new favorite “gay man I want to hump.” He is very, very pretty. But a little too skinny for my taste. I’d feed him a few pizzas and he should be fine.

Oh, yeah. The results. The finale will be Jordin vs. Blake. Not very exciting if you ask me. I think Jordin has it bagged and ready for pick-up. A better competition would have been between Jordin and Melinda, but those Blaker girls got some speed-dialing fingers, so we had to send Melinda home. No worries, she’s got a HUGE career ahead of her if you ask me.