The results shows usually irritate me, because the producers have this annoying habit of dragging them out to an excrutiating length of time. Seriously, these shows could take 10 minutes. But they don’t. Sometimes, if we’re lucky and a really good show is next on Fox, they last 30 minutes. But this one was an entire hour.

And that entire hour consisted mostly of bullshit. We did find out the celebrity coaches that will be helping out our Top 12 (Diana Ross, Jon Bon Jovi, J. Lo, Gwen Stefani, Tony Bennett, Martina McBride, a couple of Herman’s Hermits, and a solo BeeGee, Barry Gibb), and Fantasia showed up to plug her upcoming role in the Broadway version of The Color Purple. She also sang a song from the show, and blew me away all over again. I was harshly reminded of why she won: because she fucking rocks. It’s like she showed up to let everyone know “This is what it takes to win American Idol, bitches!”

Anyway, the show started off with a production number of the entire 24 singing Tears for Fears “Sowing the Seeds of Love.” A goofy song to begin with, but one that’s definitely not designed for groups. The boys did all the solos. The kept all the girls’ big voices in the background, except to do a word here and/or a phrase there, that echoed the chorus. Oh, and there were some Yeah, yeahs and whoah, whoahs. Big fucking whoop. If I was one of those girls I’d be pissed off. But I’m not, and I really hate the cheesy group songs anyway, so whatev.

The boys were the first to face the axeman, with the back row being summoned down to the stage. They stood there, all with blank looks, while Ryan painstakingly went through each one’s performance reviews. Until it was Paul Kim’s turn. There was no performance review, no build-up, no nothing before he got a swift kick in the rear. And Paul said it hurt. Then he sang “Careless Whisper” again and muffed it up.

The back row of girls also stood onstage for their results. Same deal, Ryan went through them one by one, until he reached Antonella, who was last in line. You could tell she thought she was a goner, cause that was Paul’s spot, but Ryan pronounced her safe. Then he plucked Amy from her seated position to tell her she was leaving. Again, nothing to soften the blow, and she looked crushed. Oh, well. She sucked.

The rest of the girls came out to stand in line until Ryan assured them they were safe to be seated. We were left with Nicole and Alaina. Honestly, I could give a shit which one it was, since they both are mediocre at best, but Nicole ended up being the one to say ta-ta. Maybe she shoulda spent more time on her hair. I think that’s what saved Alaina. Then Nicole tried to be all chipper about leaving. She kept saying “It’s okay! I had fun!” when inside you know she was saying “Fuck you and this fucking show, you stupid fucks.” She sang her strange version of “Stay” again and also screwed it royally.

After the run through of the rest of the boys, Sanjaya and Rudy were left standing. Now, with Sanjaya prepping to be the next hot, young, teen heartthrob and all, it was easy to guess that Rudy “of the blazers” was off to the races. And he was. Rudy and his team of blazers will be seen no more.

Then, you know the drill, they did the “looking back” montage of the losers’ time on the show and played the new “boo-hoo good-bye song,” which is SO not as good as “Bad Day.”

So, that was that. Our pile of contestants just got 4 folks lighter. And 2 of my generic girl club members are gone. Yay. The guys better ramp it up for next week though, because the way it’s looking, the girls are gonna wipe Simon’s ass with them.