Let me make it clear, that by “big girls” I’m not talking about physical size, I’m talking about vocal size. And from last night’s showing, some of our girls got big-ass voices.

Stephanie blasted off with a smooth, strong performance of Alicia Keys’ “How Come You Don’t Call Me.” Steph looked classy and elegant in a satiny dress, but threw down her performance with no fear, actually dropping to her knees at one point without missing a beat. This gal truly sparkled.

I don’t know if anyone could hold up following that, but Amy Krebs definitely did not. As a member of the “generic girl foursome,” she made no impression whatsoever. Her dress was okay, breezy-like, but there was nothing about her that stood out. Her version of “I Can’t Make You Love Me” was a yawner.

The first thing that struck me about Leslie Hunt during her time onstage was her dull yet weird outfit. A plain, poopy-brown dress with knee-high, pirate flap brown boots. Was she trying to look boring? She wrecked her way through Aretha’s “Natural Woman,” making exaggerated movements that just looked awkward. I loved that Simon said she looked embarrassed and ungainly when performing, because she did look strange, but I think it was more embarrassing for us watching her. You know how you get that uncomfortable feeling when someone is making an ass out of themselves and have no idea? Yeah, that’s what was going on for me.

Now, Sabrina on the other hand, she rocked the shit out of her chosen Aretha song. It was powerful and intense. Plus, she looked super-cute in a white, ruffly top and just jeans. She wasn’t trying too hard to look any certain way, she just did her thing and wowed everybody. And I’m still digging the Ramen noodle hairdo. For some reason, it just works for her.

I find Antonella annoying anyway, but she totally butchered Aerosmith’s “I Don’t Wanna Miss a Thing.” What the fuck was she thinking when she picked that song? Her performance of it was shaky and weird, and at some points she seemed to veer off into the territory of unknown musical notes. She shoulda been drunk, singing on top of a bar with a bunch of dumb college jocks yelling at her to take her top off. I think she woulda done it too, just for the attention.

Jordin Sparks, the sprightly 17-year-old, delighted me with her choice of a Tracy Chapman song. “Give Me One Reason” is a stellar song for her, and she knocked it outta the park. She is also goddamn adorable. This performance added some much-needed spice to her sugary goodness.

Next came the “Bizarro-World Moment of the Week:” Another of the “generic girls,” Nicole Tranquillo, barking and crowing her way through a Chaka Khan song. What? For a second I thought she might have been kidding, but alas, I was sadly mistaken. It was like she was forcing her voice to make these strange, gutteral sounds to match the song. It was in no way natural and appeared to be quite uncomfortable. The girl looked cute, but very awkward. Her performance was a shit-fest. Simon hit it when he said that she looked too aggressive and fake. Indeed, Simon. Indeed.

Generic girl number 3, Haley Scarnato, sang a Celine Dion song, which sucked ass, but I hate Celine Dion songs anyway. Honestly, I don’t think another song would have been better, though. Haley is boring, through-and-through, like the human equivalent to a bowl of Cream of Wheat. No spice, no sizzle, no nothing. Her performance was very “wedding singer,” and so was her outfit choice of a push-up corset, wide belt, and palazzo pants. Again, Simon was on-point when he said she looked, sounded, and acted OLD. I mean, who wears palazzo pants??

How much do I fucking love Melinda Doolittle? She is incredible. She looked fabulous, sounded amazing, and just seems like the nicest person alive. No shit. Her performance blew the roof off that place, and I just adore the way she uses her voice to get those little growls. There ain’t no way she’s going back to the background. No way in hell, sister.

Alaina must have some seriously bad karma to end up following Melinda, because if there was anything that could have made her sound more horrible, that was it. Alaina was the last of the generic girls to perform, and she was pathetic. She couldn’t keep her notes in line and sounded out of breath the whole fucking time, like she just couldn’t get her shit together. Honestly, I think she concentrated more on her hair than her rehearsals. Maybe she’s hoping that looking a little skanky will keep her in the running. Yeah, good luck with that.

I’m definitely starting to like Gina Glocksen more and more. She seems genuine and like she’s trying to avoid the over-styling. However, her selection of a shrunken, mini-pleather jacket was a bit confusing. The buttons looked like they were about to pop off the fucker any minute. Kept her tits locked and loaded though. Anyway, she sounded fantastic singing “All By Myself,” even if it was a rather depressing song choice. I’m looking forward to seeing what else she can do.

Finally, my girl Lakisha ended the evening with, not just a bang, but a fucking explosion. She took on former Idol contestant Jennifer Hudson’s song, “I’m Telling You I’m Not Going” and brought the house down. She is a powerful singer, with conviction, grace, style, and energy to burn. I love her to bits.

After these two nights of competition, the girls blew the guys out of the water. Too bad we couldn’t just vote off boys this week. But no, tonight 2 of our boys and 2 of our ladies hit the road. Can’t fucking wait…