Well, tonight kicked off the audience voting portion of AI 2007, with the top 12 guys jumping onstage to do their thing. First up was Rudy “of the blazers” and he was indeed sportin’ another one tonight. Looked like a denim/tweed concoction this week. However, I found it a bit odd that in addition to the blazer, he wore another jacket underneath, plus his bulls-eye t-shirt. A bit chilly in there perhaps? Anyway, Rudy succeeded in performing the gayest version of “Free Ride” ever. It was a bit shocking with all the crotch-pumping and swinging arms. Wasn’t he the one who sang Journey at his audition? Well, if he is gay that’s fine by me, but he may want to cut back on gaying-up 70’s rock songs in the future, lest he risk a massive backlash of homophobic 70’s stoner rock fans.

Brandon sounded good singing “Rock With You,” and looked adorable too. He did background vocals for J. Tim, Christina, and Usher? Hmm, impressive. He seems real down-to-earth for having that kind of experience, which is very cool. The beginning of his song was slow and sexy, then he got his groove going. Nothing amazing, but a very nice job.

Oh for Christ’s sake, Sundance was a giant fucking mess all over again. Someone needs to put this man out of his misery and get his ass off the stage. I was ready to hate whatever song he did, cause I’m still pissed about losing Tommy to this joker, and Sundance made it extremely easy for me to hate his performance of “Knights in White Satin.” First, he sounded god-awful, and second, I hate that stupid cheesy song anyway. Simon said he sounded like a dad at a wedding. I’d go a step further to say he sounded like the drunk, dipshit step-dad who nobody wanted at the wedding in the first place, so he decided to make an ass of himself in front of everyone. The next step would have been for Sundance to drop his pants, bend over and light a fart on fire, while yelling “Fuck alla y’all. I dunnt givafuck. Pbbbbssttthrbbbttt!”

Then we were treated to Paul the barefoot guy. I thought he sounded fairly good, except for the attempt at a falsetto, which tanked pretty hard, but the judges didn’t seem to like him all that much this week. Come on, I’m always impressed with a guy who takes on a George Michael song. Not just because George can sing, but it takes some balls to cover a song by a guy who’s considered a bit of a pervert.

Chris Richardson was next, and he chose the Bo Bice anthem “I Don’t Wanna Be.” Why, oh why, do they choose those previous Idol blockbusters right out of the gate? They’ll always be compared to the others, and it’s almost impossible at this early stage for any newbie to do it better. However, I was surprised that Chris did an okay job of it. There was a bit too much bouncing and I coulda done without the formal shirt, tie, jacket thing, but he is a cutie and didn’t totally suck, so good for him! And I think I’m gonna love his dad, who is one of those overly-excited dads that sweats and yells a lot. And that’s awesome.

Nick was so fucking adorably nervous I could hardly stand it. God, he’s hot. I really like his hair a little longer, not quite as clippered, a touch more disheveled. He gave a nice, casual performance, his voice soft. A tad weak, maybe, but it was sweet. The judges felt he fell flat, lost his magic and spark, but I could see it there, shimmering underneath. I’m confident he’ll get it back, plus I was happy to see he didn’t fall prey to the show’s stylists and resisted looking too “put together.”

Blake left his beat-boxing behind as he skillfully worked his way through “Somewhere Only We Know.” That boy’s definitely a contender. He looked natural and comfortable during his performance, and his hair was a little less like a unicorn. However, I have issues with sweater vests, so that knocked a few points off in my book. He had some trouble with the high notes, but overall he was one of the best of the night.

And then there was Sanjaya and his hair. This teen is quickly morphing into a contemporary, Indian, Leif Garrett. He’s a cute guy, with a nice smile, but his song was bo-ring. He said his sis helped him choose the song, and because it was such a stinker, one has to wonder whether sissy’s a little bitter about being kicked off and is dabbling in some familial sabotage. Sanjaya also has to work on his dance moves, because the weird shimmy dance wasn’t working very well. The boy needs to pick up his feet.

My fave curly-haired fat man, Chris Sligh, was full of energy last night, blasting his way through a song called “Typical.” Good show. He looked good in his gray shirt and black, shiny tie, and sounded even better. It was almost 80’s New Wave-y, the epitome of cool, and to top it all off he was rockin’ some classic Chuck Taylors. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Jared did an okay job of a song I find horribly annoying, “Back to One.” The song makes no sense whatsoever. He sounded a bit nasal, which Simon pointed out, and was a bit off-note, but he has a killer smirky smile, and the perfect pair of man-lips. Very smoochable.

AJ shocked me with his jumpy performance of “Never Too Much.” I hadn’t thought of him as a “dance around with your arms over your head” kinda guy. But it sorta worked. I’m glad he got rid of the pencil ‘stache, but now he needs to lose the “popped” collar on his polo shirts. Please don’t do that again. Unless he’s pretending to be James Spader in any 80’s movie ever made, it just looks retarded. Other than that, he sounded good, snappy, like he was having fun. And he was so fucking excited just to be up there!

Phil finished off the night with a cheesefest that was his version of “I Could Not Ask for More.” I don’t know what it is about this guy, but he bothers me. I think the super-shiny baldness and fleshy ears make him look kinda naked, and that makes me uncomfortable. Like I’m a little skeeved out. Plus, he tried to pull off the corny Constantine move of yanking around the mic stand and doing weird kicks. Now I wasn’t a big Constantine fan, but at least he had something a little bit cool going on. Phil is too much of a dorker. He even tried the “eyes.” Yeah, he just looked like a lunatic. The judges sucked his balls, said he was great, and I gave them all the finger. The end.