Dieting can be a great way to shed a few pounds and get you in shape. It can also be the road to misery as it takes away the pleasure of food. However, outside of these two points are diets that are just plain awful – the fads and bizarre concoctions that lead to weight loss (or not) that are genuinely off putting. Here are 9 really ridiculous diets that you probably don’t want to try whether or not they work.
The “Baby Food” Diet
Tracy Anderson, the fitness “guru”, recommends that you first go on a real diet to get to your ideal weight and then once you’ve got there – you stay thin by eating nothing but a jar of baby food for breakfast and lunch every single day of the week. Let’s put aside the fact that baby food isn’t particularly appealing to adult taste buds; does it work? There’s no reason that it shouldn’t because baby food is essentially a small jar of mainly vegetable based foods – so assuming you don’t then pig out on a twelve course meal at night; you’d lose weight.
Dr. Siegal’s Cookie Diet
Dr. Sanford Siegal like so many “diet experts” has the answer to your weight problems. Eat 9 cookies a day and a full meal (which may not be more than 700 calories) and which consists of a very short list of “allowed” ingredients. Does it work? Given that it’s a calorie controlled diet, yes it works. But there’s a catch Siegal’s cookies are $60 a box (and only his cookies) are allowed. Then there’s the problem that it’s completely lacking in many of the staples of a healthy diet – like enough fruit and veg.
The Pregnant Women’s Urine Diet
Adherents of this bizarre diet claim that if you eat 500 calories a day and inject yourself with a pregnant woman’s urine – you’ll lose weight. They say this is because there’s a hormone in the urine that tricks the body into thinking it’s pregnant and increases the metabolic rate. Sane people note that 500 calories a day is in fact a seriously low amount of calories and anyone would lose weight (though not safely – this is a dangerously low level of calorific intake for any lengthy period) without the urine (which costs up to $600 for “a course”).
The Lord’s Diet
Yes, there’s even a group out there that recommend using prayer to lose weight. Though to be fair – they don’t recommend prayer by itself but rather as part of a balanced low calorie diet and exercise program. The prayer is just there to help you focus on not cheating on your diet. If it helps you stick to a diet – go ahead and pray but there’s otherwise little benefit in doing so.
The Tongue Patch Diet
Dr. Chugay, a Beverly Hills based cosmetic surgeon, believes in stitching a restrictive patch to people’s tongues. The idea being that eating will become so painful they’ll only be able to drink fluids. Sure, this will work – if you have a spare $2,000 and fancy becoming a drooling imbecile to boot. We’re not sure why he doesn’t just superglue people’s lips together with enough room for a straw instead.
The Kangtarian diet consists of nothing but vegetables and large portions of Skippy’s relatives. That’s right it’s a kangaroo meat diet. This diet can prove problematic to follow outside of Australia given the dearth of kangaroos in most other places. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with eating kangaroo – it’s tasty and free range but you could probably substitute it for any other meat and still get the same imperceptible “health benefits” as this diet provides.
What is wrong with some people? Ear stapling is exactly what it sounds like – stapling the ears. It’s based on the “science” of acupuncture (in that there’s no science whatsoever associated with it) and it is supposed to keep you thin. However, when you take a close look at the ear stapling philosophy it also requires regular exercise and a low calorie diet. So… that’s an actual honest to goodness regular weight loss plan – run the need for stapling the inner cartilage of the ear by us again? If you’re still tempted to pursue this insane path be aware that the stapling practitioner isn’t actually a health professional – infections and even permanent disfiguration of the ear aren’t uncommon side effects of ear stapling.
The Cotton Ball Diet
Don’t try this at home. Seriously, don’t. This diet isn’t just stupid; it’s straight up dangerous. The idea is that you can soak a cotton ball in some fluid and then swallow it whole. The cotton swells up – leaving you feeling full so that you eat less. So far, so good right? Right. Up until the point that you realize a cotton ball isn’t really cotton it’s actually a bunch of bleached fibers that probably aren’t good for you. Then there’s the problem that the cotton ball can go on to form a “bezoar” which is basically a lump of gunk that can block your intestines and in the worst cases kill you. So really, give this diet a miss.
The Clay Cleanse Diet
Wherever there is money to be made from hapless dieters – you will find someone doing something insane to take that money. Take the bentonite clay diet. The idea is basically this – you eat a bunch of bentonite clay (which is calorie free) and then you pour water down your throat. This swells up and makes you feel full.
What does science have to say about that? Well, the recommended maximum daily intake of bentonite clay is a single teaspoon and you need to drink a ton of water with it. Secondly, bentonite clay isn’t actually very good for you – it’s been shown to cause bowel obstructions, low blood pressure and nutritional deficiency among other side effects. Losing weight by poisoning yourself is probably a very bad idea.