5 Celebrity Pets that Need Shooting

Here at Popcrunch we like animals; better still a pet. Now that colonizing a nation is passé, and slave ownership way off trend, we think the tenure of an obedient, oh-so-cute and speechless beast is the next best thing. Yes, call us petty, but we’re unhappy when pets stop behaving like pets and start acting like brats. Perhaps it’s not surprising that the world’s most precocious pooches and cantankerous cats belong to that most unruly of human specimens – the celebrity – but we think even a celebrity pet should know better. So, to teach the pet peternity how to look, behave and poop, we’d like to send one or two on the next train to Pet Heaven.

5. Bo Obama

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We don’t think black-and-white Portuguese water dog, Bo Obama’s time is up just yet, but we do think he should be taken down a peg. We like him for his hair-retaining qualities, said to be less aggravating for allergic Obama offspring, Malia, but we think the goatee is a bit pretentious. Being a gift to the US president from Democrat senator, Edward Kennedy of Massachusetts might make him pet royalty, but America’s a republic.

4. The Osbourne Pets

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It’s time dogs Lola, Minnie, Maggie, Baby, Lulu, Martini, Pipi, and cat, Pussy Osbourne learnt a thing or two from their Blue Peter counterparts. The latter are such shining examples of how to conduct one’s pet self beneath the unforgiving glare of the studio light, that they’ve got their own Wikipedia page. Meanwhile, the errant rock dogs poop on the carpet and lie on the bed. Line ’em up.

3. Little Man

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When was Cameron Diaz last in a film? News that she has resorted to washing cars for a living has piqued our concern that her demanding little cat, Little Man is making too many demands. ‘Dogs have owners, cats have staff’, goes the axiom. Time to give the Little Man a little shove.

2. Kitty Purry

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We like the name, reflective of Katy Perry’s adorable and playful nature, but someone has got to save this cat from the indignity of another haircut. Shoot it.

1. Tinkerbell Hilton

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‘Dogs’ lives are too short. Their only fault, really.’ So said erstwhile American writer, Agnes Sligh Turnbull, but when it comes to teacup Chihuahua, Tinkerbell Hilton, she of the diamond collar and designer apparel, we beg to differ.

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