I cant say how happy I am to hear that Nicole Kidman is finally engaged.
Keith Urban seems like a real down to earth, down under, sort of guy. And the pictures I’ve seen of them together (which is like two) seem really sweet. I like her. I like her breast friend Naomi Watts. I also like Cate Blanchett. I’m all about Aussies right now, I guess, although not a crazy among them so my quest for a new favorite crazy celebrity continues (though I suspect Teri Hatcher is on the brink!). The cat came out of the bag as Nicole corrected a People Magazine reporter (finally!) by saying, “He’s actually my fiance. I wouldn’t be bringing my boyfriend (to the event).” Awwwwwe.

Poor Matt LaBlanc. ‘Joey’ has been cancelled after NBC called it a “catastrophic ratings failure.” I wouldn’t say catastrophic… I just didn’t watch it. But here’s the deal. I did watch one episode, and it was fine – as in mediocre. Like most television. There are a number of other shows that need to be axed WAY before Joey. These are shows that the dialogs are so painful I either have to change the channel or stab my self in the butt with the sharp end of a skewer (always kept handy within reaching distance of the couch for such emergencies).
Here’s my list.

TV shows that MUST GO:

Yes Dear
7th Heaven
Bones
Crossing Jordan
American Idol
Geraldo At Large (yes this is a real show)

You may not have heard of him yet. And all I have to say is, have you been to your local comedy club?

This up and coming comedian is my FAVORITE for a number of reasons. He’s hysterical, he goes down on me and his mom takes me shopping.

Okay, yeah, he’s my paper boy, but don’t discount him just yet. He’s really one of the funniest comic’s I’ve seen and he’s headed for a television near YOU. Also, it’s my birthday today and I’m allowed to go on and on about whatever the hell I want. My age is none of your business, but if you know what’s good for you, you will a) not ask and b) check out Shannon’s website at www.intellectualdelinquent.com.

So she’s having Marc Anthony’s baby. I can only presume. She hasn’t changed men in a while, so he’s a safe bet.

She hasn’t fessed up just yet, but Jennifer Lopez has cancelled her up coming concert tour without explaination, and reports say that she has been spotted with a small bump on her belly (which is how the rest of us look normally, but I’ll let it go).

I once read that Jennifer insured her famous ass for $4 million. I wonder if that includes childbirth…
All I’m saying is look at the size of this ass.

Anyone who watched Ally McBeal as religiously as me (no making fun) would know that Portia de Rossi prolly had an eating disorder. Okay, and maybe people who didn’t watch Ally (your loss) would prolly notice it too.

But Portia says her girlfriend Ellen DeGeneres saved her from anorexia. Born in Australia (didn’t know that), Rossi said she suffered with the eating disorder since she was 14. The illness intensified with her casting on Ally McBeal.
In her own words: “Learning to be more honest is probably the biggest influence that Ellen has had on me. We’ve talked a lot about this, which is a big thing for me. Ellen has never really worried about her weight and is more on the side of feeling angry that for women to be perceived as beautiful, they need to be skinny.”

I have to admit, I think they are both hysterical. And funny is hot. I’d make out with both of them. Does that make me gay?

God I’m so sick of looking at him! Hearing people say his name! Seeing him in my dreams!
I have to admin that I picked up a copy of this month’s GQ because it had a long interview with him in it (and because I like to see those little gay boys in Ralph Lauren). I couldn’t help myself. It’s the same reason I watch the State of the Union address every year – I want to hear the craziness from the guys own mouth.

So anyway, he took Katie Holmes to his last opening of Mission Impossible III, she’s all skinny and shit, they have baby named Suri, Nicole Kidman still loves him… blah blah. Also, his movie is sorta tanking but I’m sick of talking about it so read the New York Times article.
I need a new favorite crazy celebrity quick!

So the pussy is out of the bag… or was out of the bag.
Anna Nicole Smith has admitted that she is indeed pregnant – mostly because the man she borrowed to impregnate her now wants money and to be a part of the baby’s life. Who saw that coming?

Now in addition to her legal battles with the family of her ex J. Howard Marshall, she is now wrapped up in a legal battle with her baby’s daddy. A “friend,” who appears to have talked to the tabloid press, said this, “She’s freaking out because the father wants money and access to the kid. The guy agreed to get her pregnant and then vanish. Now he wants to get his hands on the inheritance money she is fighting for.”

You can take the girl out of the trailer park…

The rumer mill is milling about a possible second pregnancy for the ever morphing, ever spastic Anna Nicole Smith. Is she or isn’t she? Well, to me, the larger issue is, who would want to knock her up? She’s still battling for the money of her last husband (which is backed by the Supreme Court – so far). Plus she’s so high and obnoxious all the time, she would be better company unconcious – which prolly happens more often then not. Her press dude says this:

“If Anna Nicole is pregnant she obviously doesn’t want anybody to know yet. If she is not pregnant she’s not denying the rumor because she thinks its funny how much of a stir it’s causing. She’ll leave it up to you to guess which one it is.” Ooo she’s so clever.

The ever-morphing Madonna is going to pose in provocative position in the June issue of W mag. Am I having a flashback?
Apparently not. Madonna, here in the 2006, will be featured by W mag in a 58-page spread. Big surprise, she will be reprising her earlier selves as an English horse-rider, “material girl” and “boy toy.” I’m glad she’s super sexy at 47, but at some point you have to say to yourself, “I’m getting older. I have children. My husband is fixing to leave me. I should take is easy.” Not Madonna.

Fiction is dead people. It’s OVER. Television viewers don’t want to watch a well written story (or a bad one – I’m looking at you Yes Dear). They want to watch ‘real’ people in unreal, staged situations. The only time that is EVER effective is on MXC – but that’s because Asians are very uncoordinated. And that’s REAL people.

So following in the footsteps of so many mind-numbingly boring reality shows, Mr. T is making is grand comeback. Let’s just say that I used to be a big, big fan of the A-Team. Huge. But Mr. T’s reality show on TV Land – named creatively ‘I Pity the Fool’ – is going to make me want to beat myself in the face. Again (I’m looking at you Hogan Knows Best). He will apparently dole out advice – T-style – to people in various decision making situations.

TV Land Senior Vice President Sal Maniaci gave the show a final kiss of death by calling it “heart-warming and humorous.”