Howard Stern should be my boyfriend because he’s an asshole. I guess I just have that smell.
And as he debuts on Sirius satalite radio this week (which I bought my road-comic boyfriend for Christmas this year even though he’s also an asshole), one has to wonder – when is he going to bang one of those chicks ON AIR and what will it sound like?
Wait.
Give me a minute.
I just got a little nausous.
(Puts head between legs)
Okay I’m fine now.
My point is Howard Stern not an attractive man. And on the ridiculous E! Television version of his radio show, he’s just a creepy guy who gets to tie Playboy Playmates to The Tickle Pole and dig his spidery fingers into their rib cages. In return, they get to plug their new “Two Blonds and a Blow Up Doll” DVD on post-10 p.m. television. No real or even interesting content.
Don’t get me wrong.
There’s a time and a place for porn and strippers. But this is RADIO. And even Maxim Radio (also on Sirius) has the good sense to mix a little comedy and sports in with their titilating conversations. Give the men what they want! Unfortunately, because Howard is on a crusade for “free speech,” the only way he can be truly shocking once again is to fuck ‘em while you and I listen. I’m pretty sure that’s not what most his fans want. The fact that that man is getting laid anyway is truly insulting.

You may not know this guy – prolly cause his team has sucked the last few years – but this is Larry Miller.
Everyone, Larry. Larry, everyone.
Larry owns the Utah Jazz – and, well, half of Utah – and as a former Utahn I can say in all honestly that he’s an important, almost revered part of the community, unfortunately. And in typical Utah fashion, Larry has caved to local conservative views and pulled “Brokeback Mountain” from his Salt Lake City multiplex theatre. You know, that movie where Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal GET IT ON.

Now listen, I know Utah has a reputation for a conservative, stick-up-your ass state (i.e. Orrin Hatch) but having lived on the other side of the chastity belt, I know otherwise. Known as “little San Francisco,” Salt Lake City has a surprisingly large gay and lesbian community, and I myself have been hit on by very nice transexuals in surprising places. The city has a HUGE gay pride parade every year, which the city hates of course, and in 2004 Utah hosted the national PFLAG conference (see my story in the Salt Lake City Weekly about the conference). My point is, they’re EVERYWHERE in SLC. And the city is rocking because of it. (Check out Sound and the Trap. Good clean gay fun to be had by all!)

So why pull a movie about gays in an area with a strong gay community?
Utahn gay rights advocat Mike Thompson has this to say, “It’s just a shame that such a beautiful and award-winning film, with so much buzz about it, is not being made available to a broad Utah audience because of personal bias.”
Exactly.

All Larry Miller needs is a little back door lovin. In the meantime, Utah has other celebs to be proud of like Rosanne Barr and that Jeapordy guy Ken Jennings. Both of whom would love to watch Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal GET IT ON.

I have a bone to pick with you World Wide Web.
After 30 minutes of searching I can’t find one decent picture of Mathew McConaughey’s washboard abs.
What good are you?

There’s no benefit to having the world at your fingertips if you can’t get the picture, story, West Wing episode or porn you need right that second. Plenty o’ pictures of ‘Sahara’, which looks like a terrible movie (but I’ll still watch it on Movies on Demand). Plenty o’ pictures of those Stetson ads he made, which are hot but a little to country boy for me. I realize he IS a country boy that chews tobacco and gets into shit launching contests with this brothers. Also, plenty o’ pictures of screen shots from ‘Dazed and Confused’ (VERY cool).
But when I want to see his abs I want to see them now!!!
This picture will just have to do.

Sienna Miller has had it.
Enough! says the saucy brit.
If she wants to take back her nanny-rogering boyfriend, that’s her business. In a recent press release, Miller has asked the public kindly to get out of her corner, to stop having her back, and stop hating her cheating, on-again-off-again boyfriend, Jude Law.

From the horse’s mouth:
She says, “You have to swallow an awful lot of pride and say, it’s fine, that the people around me know me and I don’t care what other people think, but you can’t help but care. I’m quite tough and proud. It’s a nice idea that maybe we could work things out.”

Miller also told the New York Post, “I find it odd that people ask me ‘Why did you take Jude Law back?’ I don’t regret anything! At some point in their lives, everybody wants something they can’t have–and to be the one to tame a man.”

He’s hot. I’ll give her that. But if she thinks she can tame that Jude Law fellow, I wish her the best. It’s tough, you know. If I had a nickle for every time I found my boyfriend’s dick in a nanny…

The cat is out of the bag for wafer-thin Lindsey Lohan.
I don’t think any of us were surprised at her admission of being bulimic and a drug user.
But I was really hoping for something less obvious.
Bulimia is so 70′s. So Karen Carpenter.
But all kidding aside, I saw that video about her parents and it was pretty intense. No acting there. Clearly some pain going on there. But she’s also one of Hollywood’s most popular IT girls. Lot’s o’ pressure comes with all that stinkin’ money. Anyway she’s blaming said puking on her destructive relationship with her dad, and her break up with also so 70′s Wilmer Valderrama. Lohan was hospitalized for an asthma attack earlier this week, but we all knew it was more than that.

But two cheers for Saturday Night Live’s Lorne Michaels for confronting her about it. During the conversation, she says, “I just started bawling. I knew I had a problem, and I couldn’t admit it. I saw that SNL after I did it. My arms were disgusting. I had no arms.”

There’s been already a number of Lohan transformations as we’ve watched grow up on screen. There are a number of creepy fan sites bordering on psychotic that document her at every stage. Personally I liked ruddy, healthy, busty Linday. She’s totally beautiful and there’s no one out there with her flavor of classy read head. Most recently gossip has paired her with Keanu Reeves. All I know is if her aim is to stop hurling, he’s not the best choice. Dude.