I love when the crazies fight.
Rosemary’s baby mama Mia Farrow, now 60, has publicly renounced her relationship with adopted daughter Soon-Yi Previn – you know, the one that stole her husband Woody Allen. Farrow split with Allen – 14 YEARS AGO – in 1992 after discovering his affair with their adopted daughter. Farrow said she is finally ready to move on after the heartbreak. So she’s going to pretend Soon-Yi is dead. “It’s easier to mourn her loss and move forward than to live with, ‘Every time the phone rings, will it be her and what will we say and how will we deal with it…?’ She’s gone.”

Farrow took things a step further recently by accusing Soon-Yi of gold digging.
Farrow said, “She was on the streets in Korea when she was captured and brought to the state orphanage. And in a way I can see from her perspective – a very limited perspective – that she’s improved her situation. She’s got the penthouse and the seat at Elaine’s (New York restaurant) or, whatever I had, she has.” Nothing like a little mud slinging to prove that you’re so over it.

I can’t wait for Soon-Yi to respond.
Oh wait. She doesn’t talk. EVER.

On a fabulous vacation serving as groupie to my comedian boyfriend we had the fortune of staying at the Club Med in Port St. Lucie, Florida.
For struggling writers like us, this was the HIGH LIFE.
Open buffet, sun, water, and all the booze you can stomach.

Also drawn to the Club Med, apparently, are celebrities like Eddie Money. Remember that guy? Eddie freakin Money! And we almost saw this bastion of rock and roll puttering around the Club Med golf course. We didn’t ACTUALLY see him, but I heard the dirt from a drunk at the comedy club that night. This guy, a UPS delivery driver, was paired with Eddie Money and a couple of his buddies for a round of golf.

When UPS guy asked Eddie if he minded if he smoked a little pot, Eddie and his buddies were IN. After that, they were fast friends, and UPS guy was invited to their concert that night at some tiny venue and then back stage to party. UPS guy, wasted at the club, said it “blew his mind.” No doubt.

I can’t blame her.
I LOVE Chris Martin’s voice.
But after months of speculation, Gwyneth Paltrow has comfirmed that she is pregnant with her emo rock stud’s – of Coldplay – 2nd baby. After naming their first child Apple, we can all hope that they will stay away from fruit for their second child.

The revelation came when Gwyneth was promoting her new movie “Proof.”
Moderator for the “Insider” (and blast from the “Where are they now?” file”) Lou Diamond Phillips asked Paltrow, “How far along are you?”
“Far enough along to feel very cumbersome,” she answered.

Well, babies are cumbersome. Whatever you do, don’t name this one watermelon.

The Olsen twins – famous initially for their Oscar worthy performances on “Full House” – have invested in a cake company as a way to expand their million dollar fortunate.
A: They don’t really need to make more money. They’re pretty much set for life.
B: I hope they are eating as many cakes as they are selling. Maybe that’s just me.

Because they have money to throw around, they are investing $2 million in their favorite bakery,Sweet Lady Jane’s. The bakers there have created wedding cakes for Jennifer Lopez, Bruce Springsteen and Carnie Wilson. Not that Carnie needs any more cake.

Mary-Kate and Ashley are said to be so involved in all aspects of their new business, such as coming up with cake ideas for Sweet Lady Jane such as “How to keep cake in the stomach before puking,” and “How to lick the frosting off without being noticed.”

Okay, the only thing more tired than admitting to an eating disorder is taking it back once it’s reported. Give me a friggin break.

After admitting to bulimia the Vanity Fair article that hit the stands this last week, Lindsey Lohan is now apparently “appalled” and insists the reporter “misused and misconstrued” her words. Okay, It’s obvious you have an eating disorder, Ms. Lohan. And I know you’re in an emotionally unstable place but don’t spill your guts to a reporter and hope they will omit the ugly stuff. It doesn’t work that way. Ask Jennifer Aniston.

Unfortunately for Lohan, the Vanity Fair interview was caught on audio tape, and apparently doesn’t have a leg to stand on. In a counter statement, Vanity Fair editors said, “Every word Lindsay Lohan told her is on tape. Vanity Fair stands by the story.”

Her reported admission of dabbling in drugs seems to sit fine with Lohan, however. Apparently right now in Hollywood, drugs are IN and eating disorders are OUT. Bulimia is SO 1970’s!

Howard Stern should be my boyfriend because he’s an asshole. I guess I just have that smell.
And as he debuts on Sirius satalite radio this week (which I bought my road-comic boyfriend for Christmas this year even though he’s also an asshole), one has to wonder – when is he going to bang one of those chicks ON AIR and what will it sound like?
Wait.
Give me a minute.
I just got a little nausous.
(Puts head between legs)
Okay I’m fine now.
My point is Howard Stern not an attractive man. And on the ridiculous E! Television version of his radio show, he’s just a creepy guy who gets to tie Playboy Playmates to The Tickle Pole and dig his spidery fingers into their rib cages. In return, they get to plug their new “Two Blonds and a Blow Up Doll” DVD on post-10 p.m. television. No real or even interesting content.
Don’t get me wrong.
There’s a time and a place for porn and strippers. But this is RADIO. And even Maxim Radio (also on Sirius) has the good sense to mix a little comedy and sports in with their titilating conversations. Give the men what they want! Unfortunately, because Howard is on a crusade for “free speech,” the only way he can be truly shocking once again is to fuck ‘em while you and I listen. I’m pretty sure that’s not what most his fans want. The fact that that man is getting laid anyway is truly insulting.

You may not know this guy – prolly cause his team has sucked the last few years – but this is Larry Miller.
Everyone, Larry. Larry, everyone.
Larry owns the Utah Jazz – and, well, half of Utah – and as a former Utahn I can say in all honestly that he’s an important, almost revered part of the community, unfortunately. And in typical Utah fashion, Larry has caved to local conservative views and pulled “Brokeback Mountain” from his Salt Lake City multiplex theatre. You know, that movie where Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal GET IT ON.

Now listen, I know Utah has a reputation for a conservative, stick-up-your ass state (i.e. Orrin Hatch) but having lived on the other side of the chastity belt, I know otherwise. Known as “little San Francisco,” Salt Lake City has a surprisingly large gay and lesbian community, and I myself have been hit on by very nice transexuals in surprising places. The city has a HUGE gay pride parade every year, which the city hates of course, and in 2004 Utah hosted the national PFLAG conference (see my story in the Salt Lake City Weekly about the conference). My point is, they’re EVERYWHERE in SLC. And the city is rocking because of it. (Check out Sound and the Trap. Good clean gay fun to be had by all!)

So why pull a movie about gays in an area with a strong gay community?
Utahn gay rights advocat Mike Thompson has this to say, “It’s just a shame that such a beautiful and award-winning film, with so much buzz about it, is not being made available to a broad Utah audience because of personal bias.”
Exactly.

All Larry Miller needs is a little back door lovin. In the meantime, Utah has other celebs to be proud of like Rosanne Barr and that Jeapordy guy Ken Jennings. Both of whom would love to watch Heath Ledger and Jake Gyllenhaal GET IT ON.

I have a bone to pick with you World Wide Web.
After 30 minutes of searching I can’t find one decent picture of Mathew McConaughey’s washboard abs.
What good are you?

There’s no benefit to having the world at your fingertips if you can’t get the picture, story, West Wing episode or porn you need right that second. Plenty o’ pictures of ‘Sahara’, which looks like a terrible movie (but I’ll still watch it on Movies on Demand). Plenty o’ pictures of those Stetson ads he made, which are hot but a little to country boy for me. I realize he IS a country boy that chews tobacco and gets into shit launching contests with this brothers. Also, plenty o’ pictures of screen shots from ‘Dazed and Confused’ (VERY cool).
But when I want to see his abs I want to see them now!!!
This picture will just have to do.

Sienna Miller has had it.
Enough! says the saucy brit.
If she wants to take back her nanny-rogering boyfriend, that’s her business. In a recent press release, Miller has asked the public kindly to get out of her corner, to stop having her back, and stop hating her cheating, on-again-off-again boyfriend, Jude Law.

From the horse’s mouth:
She says, “You have to swallow an awful lot of pride and say, it’s fine, that the people around me know me and I don’t care what other people think, but you can’t help but care. I’m quite tough and proud. It’s a nice idea that maybe we could work things out.”

Miller also told the New York Post, “I find it odd that people ask me ‘Why did you take Jude Law back?’ I don’t regret anything! At some point in their lives, everybody wants something they can’t have–and to be the one to tame a man.”

He’s hot. I’ll give her that. But if she thinks she can tame that Jude Law fellow, I wish her the best. It’s tough, you know. If I had a nickle for every time I found my boyfriend’s dick in a nanny…

The cat is out of the bag for wafer-thin Lindsey Lohan.
I don’t think any of us were surprised at her admission of being bulimic and a drug user.
But I was really hoping for something less obvious.
Bulimia is so 70’s. So Karen Carpenter.
But all kidding aside, I saw that video about her parents and it was pretty intense. No acting there. Clearly some pain going on there. But she’s also one of Hollywood’s most popular IT girls. Lot’s o’ pressure comes with all that stinkin’ money. Anyway she’s blaming said puking on her destructive relationship with her dad, and her break up with also so 70’s Wilmer Valderrama. Lohan was hospitalized for an asthma attack earlier this week, but we all knew it was more than that.

But two cheers for Saturday Night Live’s Lorne Michaels for confronting her about it. During the conversation, she says, “I just started bawling. I knew I had a problem, and I couldn’t admit it. I saw that SNL after I did it. My arms were disgusting. I had no arms.”

There’s been already a number of Lohan transformations as we’ve watched grow up on screen. There are a number of creepy fan sites bordering on psychotic that document her at every stage. Personally I liked ruddy, healthy, busty Linday. She’s totally beautiful and there’s no one out there with her flavor of classy read head. Most recently gossip has paired her with Keanu Reeves. All I know is if her aim is to stop hurling, he’s not the best choice. Dude.