The 20 Worst Chick Flicks Of All Time
In honor of all the men who are going to be dragged kicking and screaming to the Sex and the City movie at the end of this month, we decided to look back at some of the worst movies in the genre.
While I’m sure some would disagree, not all chick flicks are bad, but what about those sappy messes that even women can’t stomach? Take a look at some of the offenders on our list of the 20 worst chick flicks of all time.
20. Autumn in New York
May/December romances… everybody loves those, right? Not so much when it’s aging Casanova Richard Gere and terminally ill Wynona Ryder. Richard Gere is a constant offender in the chick flick genre, as you’ll see as this list goes on. The end credits couldn’t come fast enough on this disaster. For that matter we couldn’t wait for Ryder to finally expire, although we would have preferred seeing Gere get hit by a bus. That sort of thing all too rarely happens in a chick flick though.
19. The English Patient
Long, drawn out, sweeping, epic… blech. I remember this movie being approximately 18 hours long. It also made us reconsider our annual effort to see all of the Academy Award nominations for Best Picture.
18. Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood
The tag line for this one was “Mothers. Daughters. The never-ending story of good vs. evil.” The never ending part was spot on.
17. The Notebook
This would have been a whole hell of a lot better if Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling had any chemistry. Although it did have the saving grace of making Alzheimer’s kind of amusing. The scene where old Rachel McAdams flips out on old Ryan Gosling screaming at him “Who are you?” had me laughing hysterically, so you know, there’s that.
16. Dr. T & The Women
Hey look, its Richard Gere again. The handful of people who actually saw this movie are probably wishing they had that 2 hours of their life back. Richard Gere is a gynecologist surrounded by all sorts of crazy bitches – so many characters, but not a lot o’ plot.
15. Sweet November
Hot eccentric bohemian chick spends a month warming Keanu Reeves’ ice cold ad exec heart. Except that it turns out she has terminal cancer. If you watch a lot of chick flicks you’ll learn that women are apparently really into terminal cancer.
14. You’ve Got Mail
Holy shit is that Dave Chappelle? That’s really the only thing worth mentioning with You’ve Got Mail. It’s hard to believe people willingly sat through a two hour AOL commercial.
13. The Prince of Tides
If you can take your eyes off of Barbra Steisand’s talon fingertips long enough to get to the heart of this movie…eh, who are we kidding? It sucks.
12. Georgia Rule
The only thing that could have saved this would have been some full frontal Lindsay Lohan nudity. No, actually, that wouldn’t have done it either. Felicity Huffman quite frankly frightens us.
This is one hot mess of a chick flick, y’all, but you have to give pre-crazy Britney Spears credit for attempting an acting career. And she’s probably a better actress than Mariah Carey in Glitter. Which isn’t saying much.
10. The Bridges of Madison County
Clint Eastwood basically betrayed America by making this movie. I don’t want to talk about it.
9. Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants
I actually thought this was a sequel or something to Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood since they have equally stupid titles, but it turns out this is a standalone movie. You’re probably going to think I’m kidding but this movie is about a pair of pants that manages to fit four friends, despite their sizes ranging from cow to bulimic. And they’re making a sequel.
8. Fried Green Tomatoes
You’d almost think this is a man movie, what with the title focusing on fried vegetables, but it stars Kathy Bates and Jessica Tandy, which should pretty much clue you in on what you’re in for.
7. How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
Do we really need to know how to lose a guy in 10 days? A good start is making him sit though this shitty movie. Matthew McConaughey seems to be trying really hard to be the modern day Richard Gere. Without all the gay porn. As far as we know.
The quintessential chick flick that gives us life, love, divorce, happiness, bitchiness and death, all wrapped up in Bette Midler’s sappy sweet swan song “You are the wind beneath my wings.” Women cry; men cry for their sanity.
5. Sleepless in Seattle
Dripping with sweet sentimentality, Sleepless is most girls’ perfect date movie and most guys’ perfect nightmare.
Also this is basically the same movie as You’ve Got Mail. Everyone knows this.
4. Dirty Dancing
You know the drill: nobody puts Baby in the corner. The corniest line ever uttered in a chick flick, which is a pretty spectacular achievement given the competition.
3. Steel Magnolias
It’s got the all-chick cast, including heavy hitters Shirley MacLaine and Sally Field. That should be a warning right there – add the death of Julia Roberts (of diabetes, not terminal cancer for once) and this tearjerker will have you clawing to leave the room.
When the highlight of Ghost is Demi Moore’s clay potter’s wheel scene, there’s nowhere to go but down. This toilet dweller is only enhanced by the many stupid expressions of Patrick Swayze.
Bonus points for a naked Kate Winslet (James Cameron knows to at least throw a bone to the guys watching) but ultimately you’re left wanting Leonardo DiCaprio to just hurry up and die already.
And finally our chick flick drinking game, the only way to watch these things and have a good time:
1) Take a drink when someone dies of a lengthy illness.
2) Take a drink whenever someone has cancer
3) Take a drink the first time Matthew McConaughey, Richard Gere, or Tom Hanks appears.
4) Take a drink whenever you see a woman over the age of 40 (be careful with this one, you could easily die of alcohol poisoning).
5) Take a drink for every single mother that appears.
6) Take a drink whenever someone cries onscreen.
7) Take a drink whenever someone mentions men disparagingly.
Written by William on May 22nd, 2013 | Tagged as: Features