20 Thoughts You Have When You First Move Out


Moving out is a huge milestone in anyone’s life, and I’m not just talking about moving into a college dorm (but that’s stressful enough). Moving into a new apartment, a new home, or buying a house is fraught with all those big-kid “adult” stressors that we never seem to see coming. Wasn’t it Kylie Jenner, in her infinite wisdom, who was almost dissuaded from moving out because she didn’t know what rattlesnake fencing was? (Unrelated: what is rattlesnake fencing?)

Behold, the thoughts you have, the things you say, and all the messed-up stuff you do when you’re on your own, for real, for the first time in your life. Maybe moving back in with Mom isn’t such a bad idea after all?

  1. “We should move in together. It’ll be so fun!”
  2. “A stand mixer or a food processor? Wait, which one makes margaritas? Oh, that’s right — a blender. I’ll take the blender.”
  3. “Dammit, I missed trash day. Maybe it won’t be that bad.”
  4. “Let’s go estate sale shopping for furniture. It can’t be that ugly, right?”
  5. “Grocery list: spaghetti, beer, Cheetos, toilet paper. Perfect.”
  6. “Hmm, which would I rather have: heat or water?”
  7. “Wait, no refrigerator? I just assumed there would be one.”
  8. “Netflix > cable bill.”
  9. “Let’s have a party!”
  10. “Let’s never throw a party ever again.”
  11. “I don’t have time to go grocery shopping this week, I’ll just go to dinner and wrap leftovers. For a month.”
  12. “Maybe I don’t have to read this entire lease agreement. I’ll just skim it.”
  13. “How much toilet paper is too much toilet paper?”
  14. “I always thought escrow was a gross French snail dish.”
  16. “What’s homeowner’s insurance and why do I pretend to care about it?”
  17. “Oh, I’ll just leave that for later.” *two days go by* “OKAY WHO DIDN’T TAKE OUT THE—oh, me.”
  18. “Timmy, the dishes are not going to wash themselves.”
  19. “Seriously, how many damn pans and pots do I need? I only want spaghetti. Every day. Forever.”
  20. “Mommy, are you home? Can you come over and help me find my roommate? I think I lost her under a pile of laundry.”

Lisa Lo Paro
Lisa is a freelance writer and bibliophile living on the outskirts of New York City. She likes 2 a.m. with a good book, takes cream in her coffee and heavily filters her photos. Check out her blog The Most Happy, her Instagram, and Twitter.

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