The 20 Absolutely Worst Things Guys Say In Bed
Listen up, guys. We know it’s hard (lol). You’ve met a girl. She thinks you’re pretty cute, funny, whatever. You get an invitation to come inside (lol again). Everything gets off to a great start.
You’re there. You’re in the room. You’ve won! Now all you have to do is concentrate and try to make it past the 5 minute mark so that you don’t wind up as tomorrow’s gossip.
But you can still totally botch this. You have all the power in the world to see this thing through to the finish line, but you could also completely sink the evening and make it the most uncomfortable, awkward experience two grown ups can share in their lifetimes.
See, it’s a matter of oversharing. Once you’re in the room, shut up. You don’t have to be funny anymore, you don’t have to be clever, you don’t have to be witty. You just need to get through it in 5 minutes or more.
But some guys just can’t STFU. They feel too much pressure and make things even more awkward by opening their mouths and saying the most insane stuff. Stuff that can ruin everything. Stuff that turns a night of enjoyable consensual sex between perfect strangers into the equivalent of your mom catching you masturbate.
Stuff like …
20. “I Love You”
This is the most obvious no-no, and probably the biggest accidental slip-up that can happen to you, especially if you’ve just gotten out of a long term relationship, a bad breakup, or just haven’t had the pleasure of a woman’s company in a while. Saying “I love you” too soon in a relationship is bad enough, but saying it during a one night stand is a death sentence. It’s pretty much going to stop everything right then and there, and buddy, you deserve it.
19. “F***! F***! F***! F***!”
Also known as swearing way too much, most of my single lady friends have at least one guy in their past who couldn’t finish without cursing loudly at the top of his lungs. Life is not the same as porn, and people of either sex generally don’t appreciate a melodramatic performance complete with continuous use of four-letter words. It can really take you out of the moment. One friend of mine in particular said that a one-night stand of hers just kept shouting the f-word over and over. Ultimately, she had to push him off and bid him goodnight.