Now you might not know this but men can have terribly fragile egos and if there’s one place our ego really needs to reign supreme – it’s in the bedroom. Yet a few words from the woman in our lives and things can go badly wrong for us. While none of these things are as humiliating as “is it in yet?” they’re certainly the 15 worst things a woman can say after sex:
Don’t Say “I Love You”
It’s an old but gold way of ruining the moment. Sex and love are to some extent separate in a man’s mind and springing an “I love you” without any previous mention of it before sex can turn a lovely moment of post-coital bliss into a nightmare. You see men are almost obliged to return this with an “I love you too” and if they’re not feeling that way, at that moment in time, it’s going to lead to an almighty row. Save the “I love you” for the right time and place.
Don’t Ask “Couldn’t You Have Lasted Longer”?
Every man dreams of being a rival to a Sybian (above) but in reality; there’s always the chance that he’s not going to last the race. There’s nothing more likely to upset his ability to perform than being called out on his performance the moment the race is run. Be tactful. You wouldn’t want to hear; “That was good but you could have been tighter.” would you? It’s the same thing for guys and “couldn’t you have lasted longer?”
Don’t Mention His Mum
There is nothing less sexy and sexual to a man than his mother; that is unless he’s really, really perverted. Mentioning his mum in the afterglow of bedroom Olympics is only going to put him off ever putting in a repeat performance with you again. It’s an absolute mood killer that’s going to leave a scar on any relationship or friendship you were hoping to have.
Don’t Throw Him Out
There’s something incredibly cruel about the woman who tells you that you can leave six seconds after the “moment” has passed. Sure, you might want to sleep alone but at least give him some time to catch his breath and half-heartedly try to cuddle first. While you may have no desire to see him again; you don’t want him to go round town telling everyone what a bitch you are either.
Don’t Compare With Previous Lovers
Seriously; we don’t care how well hung Roger was or how long he could go for. We’re not in bed to compete with every performance you’ve ever experienced and even rock stars have their bad days. If there’s a specific issue you’d like us to address – the appropriate time is not straight after the act and it’s really not going to help by telling us that Dwayne was hung like a rhinoceros.
Don’t Enquire About Condoms
The right time to talk about whether a condom is a requirement is before sex gets started. There is absolutely no point asking whether or not a condom was part of the action after the fact. If you’re sensible – there are no options when it comes to condoms, it’s use one or don’t get to use your appendage. It’s a simple as that.
Don’t Tell Us “We Need to Talk”
Nobody wants to hear your complaints after sex. There’s a time and place for complaining and it’s the other 23 hours in a day (though we’d be happiest if you did your complaining while we do our sleeping). Starting a post-coital fight is not going to resolve anything in your relationship. Shut up, bask in a little shared affection and then have your say while he’s outside of your bedroom.
Don’t Say “Hurry Now, My Husband Will be Here Soon”
This is only true if the boyfriend doesn’t know about the husband. Really, you shouldn’t have brought him back to your place if you knew that he was risking a beating by being there. It might make you hot to have two men fight over you but it’s really best to obtain the consent of the innocent party before it goes that far.
Don’t Beg for Compliments on Your Performance
We know, you want to know that your performance was the best we’ve ever had in our lives (just as we’d like you to return that favor) but fishing for compliments is still a serious turn off. Some men simply aren’t good at compliments; others may end up brutally honest and upset you, any which way it goes – asking for compliments is needy and unattractive.
Don’t Do “I Love You But I’m Not in Love With You”
There may be no more meaningless phrase in the English language. It’s also a horrible thing to say. It’s straight up spiteful. It’s likely to make your partner resent you if not outright hate you. It also says that you are an unpleasant person who can’t communicate their feelings with any degree of accuracy. Don’t blame us if he storms out after you deliver this stinker in the boudoir.
Don’t Say “You Should Learn How to Please Women”
Sure, not every sexual encounter is a thrill. There are lousy lovers out there and that kind of sucks when you’re hoping for a night of wild loving. However, there’s no need to be a spiteful, awful person to the other party either. If you’re not happy; let them know at another time. If there’s not going to be a next time – there’s absolutely no need to say anything like this either.
Don’t Say “Well That Wasn’t What I’d Expected.”
The right time to explain what you expect is either before or during the act. A disappointed passive aggressive attack at the aftermath is not good form. Expect him to begin sulking immediately this line is delivered and what’s more – you’ll deserve it.
Don’t Use A Rating Scale
Nobody wants to hear; “On a rating scale of 1 to 10, I give that a solid 7.” Seriously, would you want to hear that from him? No? Then don’t do it please. Sex is supposed to be joyful and fun not a pro-sporting event.
Please Don’t Say “That Was Nice”
Sex isn’t supposed to be nice. It’s supposed to be hot. It’s supposed to be mind-blowing. It can be dirty, filthy and torrid. What it can’t be is nice. Nice is a cool breeze on a summer day. You might as well say; “Well, you were the worst I’ve ever had.” It would be kinder.
Don’t Mention His Size Unless It’s To Say It’s Huge
Nobody wants to think they’ve come to the bedroom under-equipped for the game in hand. He really can’t help how big/small he is but unless you’re going to praise his equipment; it’s best not to mention it at all.
Please Say Something
Silence isn’t golden after doing the horizontal tango. It’s a way of leaving the guy stranded and wondering what the heck it is that he did wrong. You don’t have to turn into a chatterbox powered by the Energizer Bunny but you do have to acknowledge his existence and be sincere.