A wise man with an enormous stopwatch on his neck once sang, “911 is a joke.” As it turns out, the real joke is the wide assortment of nutjobs calling 911 on a regular basis. Here are the 15 dumbest calls to 911 ever.
Homeless Man Wants Cocoa
Being homeless gives you a lot of flexibility in your schedule and where you decide to hang. But if you decide to hang in someone else’s hot tub, it’s probably not a good idea to call 911 and ask for towels, a hug and hot cocoa. Still, you have to give Mark Eskelsen some credit, it’s way more creative than holding a cup and asking for a quarter.
Drug Dealer Wants Cocaine
Did you ever lose something really important like half a kilo of cocaine? Steve Dragon (seriously, that’s his name) naturally called the cops when he couldn’t find his property. Lucky for him, the police had stolen his cocaine as part of their surveillance and sting operation of Dragon and his gang, so they knew exactly where it was!
Woman Calls 911 for Date
Someone took the term “dating emergency” a little too far and called 911. Forty-three-year-old Bernadette Music called the dispatchers four times looking for her dream date. Fortunately, it wasn’t speed dating or else she would’ve had to call like 16 times. Music was later arrested after peeing her pants, a real first date faux pas. I doubt she ever expects to get arrested by that cop again.
Man Calls 911 from Bumper of Moving Semi
A 24-year-old Ohio man jumped on the bumper of a semi tractor trailer stopped at a red light on a bet. Unfortunately for him, the truck pulled onto the highway taking him on a ten mile ride and forced him to call 911 for help. Hope that free beer was worth it, Einstein.
Four-Year-Old Wants Homework Help
Let’s face it, kids are stupid. In most countries, kids that score as low as Americans are the ones that are forced to make that cheap crap you buy at Wal Mart. But you have to give credit to this four-year-old for calling 911 for help with his math problem. At least he didn’t try to cheat.
Oh, sure, you might say there is no such thing as a McNugget Emergency. Maybe you just don’t like McNuggets as much as Latreasa Goodman, a Florida woman who called 911 when McDonald’s ran out. It’s very traumatic not to get your tiny pieces of deep fried chicken flesh! What was she supposed to eat? Fruit?!
Man Calls 911 Because Neighbors Won’t Give Him Beer
Why can’t neighbors all be cool? There should be a law that says your neighbors have to give you at least a Coors Light or better if you ask. That’s just drunk common sense. Hey, at least he kept his pants on.
Woman Demands Shrimp in Her Fried Rice
Man Calls 911 During Car Chase
This call may actually not be so dumb. During a high speed chase, a Michigan man called 911 to report a robbery to distract the cops! Unfortunately, it didn’t work and our real life Lex Luthor ended up with adding “filing a false police report” to his list of crimes. This is just another reason why people shouldn’t talk on their cellphones and drive at the same time.
Cop Has Overdose of Pot Brownies
It’s bad enough when a cop confiscates weed from hungry stoners that have a lot of Halo to play, but it’s even worse when they take that chronic home for themselves and bake it into brownies. Fortunately, karma bit officer Edward Sanchez back and he ended up making a 911 call that sounds like a deleted scene from the Pineapple Express.
Man Calls 911 After Getting Turned Away at Dance Club
Those velvet ropes and thuggish bouncers are there for a reason; to keep ugly people away from the beautiful people. Without this hierarchy, it would be chaos. Sadly, an Oregon man attempted to fight this law of nature via 911. As a bonus, he was arrested when cops found cocaine in his socks. Talk about Happy Feet.
Arrested Woman Calls 911 from Squad Car
You only get one phone call, so why not call the one place where you can get emergency services? That’s what drunk logic told a woman near Chicago, after she was arrested for DUI. While sitting the squad car, 50 year-old Andrea Eichenold called 911 to demand to know why she was being arrested. Well, at least now she knows.
German Woman Wants Husband to Stop Watching Porn
Joe McCain Calls 911 About Traffic
When you’re running for president, it’s best to not have a brother. Jimmy Carter learned the hard way thanks to his brother Billy, Bill Clinton learned the hard way about his bro, and Barack Obama may one day learn the hard way about his Kenyan half brother, Mbogo. John McCain got some mud on his face during his run when his brother, Joe, called 911 to complain about traffic. Being a cranky old fart must really run in the family.
Woman Locks Herself in Car
The all-time dumbest 911 call in history has to be the woman that called 911 when she locked her keys outside the car. Hopefully, she didn’t become trapped in her house when she got home. She should probably get a seeing eye dog, as the dog would probably be at least a few IQ points smarter.