15 Female Celebs Most Often Mistaken for Transsexuals
Sure, there are plenty of ugly celebrities out there, but there is a fine line between ugly and “she look like a man“. Call us shallow all you want, but it gets to a point where you’ve got to ask yourself — why on earth are these women printed in magazines and cited for their sex appeal? Sometimes it just doesn’t add up, and these are the 15 female celebs most often mistaken for trannies. They say beauty’s in the eye of the beholder, but you’ve gotta draw the line somewhere.
Pink, known as Alecia to her parents, is unique in that she once had the ability to look feminine, even hot at times. Unfortunately, as the years wear on, she’s just growing more manly by the album. She started off questionably decent in a bad girl sort of way, but now she may as well change her stagename from Pink to Blue, because she’s exuding more testosterone than some men even produce. If her look gets any more butch, she’s bound to grow a set of testicles — and people might start leaving the very feminine (though downright odd) Lady GaGa alone.
Nobody ever said Lil’ Kim wasn’t trashy, in fact she’s pretty much made a career out of it. We’re starting to think that it wasn’t just because she’s naturally nasty in the sex department, but because it’s all she had to go on. Despite countless hours with Hollywood’s plastic surgeons, she’s only making matters worse. She used to look rough, now she’s cruising trannytown.
How Sandra Bernhard managed to get a spot in Playboy we’ll never know, but the fact that she did only makes this list more poignant. Seriously, she was in the September issue of 1992, and the thought of actually looking is somewhat terrifying. This woman has always looked like a man, and she’s only getting more manly with age. It won’t be long before she looks more like Quentin Tarantino than Quentin Tarantino does — only taller.
Sarah Jessica Parker
Yes, we all call her horse-faced. It’s true, she is a horse-face, but more to the point — she’s a manface. Sarah Jessica Parker isn’t just a troll that cursed both television and movies by infecting them with her fugliness, but she’s a troll who looks like Dee Snyder and somehow gets countless magazines and websites to host photo shoots in an attempt to glam her up, and act like she’s sexy just to appease the millions of fools who make up her fan base.
Her parents must have known just how androgynous Tilda would be when they named her after the one symbol in our alphabet that basically means eh, sorta. She’s a great actress, don’t get us wrong, and she’s nowhere near as physically hard on the eyes as, say, Sarah Jessica Parker’s Dee Snyder Trollface. It’s just that she looks so much like a man that she was cast as the technically-androgynous-yet-traditionally-masculine Gabriel the Archangel in Constantine. That pretty much sums things up.
She may be the Chief Designer of the Versace fashion line, but Donnatella herself is just plain fugly. There really isn’t any other word for it, unless you count things like manly and tore up. It really doesn’t matter how great the woman’s body may have been once upon a time, she’s always had a face that screams post-op, and she’s only making it worse with every hour of plastic surgery she goes through.
We were going to use this picture for Rosie as a joke, but found the one above to be even more effective since it’s not even photoshopped. This is a woman who has never been attractive, so far as the world knows, has never been more than marginally entertaining, and does not have a good attitude — so why on earth is she so famous? We don’t know, but we’re glad that the world seems to have finally had enough of her manfaced shenanigans.
Joanie “Chyna” Laurer
Chyna is about as scary manly as they get, and if you think she looks mannish now, check her out before plastic surgery. Memories are short, and medicine is pretty advanced these days, but damn. The fact that her current “feminized” appearance is ten times better than how bad she was before she wizened up to the fact that steroids don’t look so good on chicks is disturbing, to say the least. If you think that’s harsh, just think about the fact that this woman’s made loads of money marketing sex appeal. Now vomit.
Yes, Janet Reno jokes are so last decade, but that doesn’t make them any less funny; not when we’re listing off a column of manly women, anyway. Janet Reno was the first female Attorney General of the United States. That’s great for women everywhere, right? Wrong. Women thought she was a man, and men averted their gaze when she entered the room because it hurt to look at her.
Lizzie Grubman is not an actress or singer, but a publicist who got famous because her parents were rich and famous. She scored a few big-name clients like Britney Spears and Jay-Z, so she became a celebrity publicist. Now she’s a publicist who was already mildy famous, who now thinks she’s Hollywood Hot Stuff, and walks around LA like she’s a fashion icon. The kicker is that she doesn’t seem to realize that the whole world thinks she’s a dude.
Reigning tennis champion Serena Williams is great at playing tennis. Nobody will argue this, because she mops the floor with just about everyone who goes up against her. The problem is that she is ruining the best part of the sport; tennis is fun to watch for the hot tennis girls, wearing short tennis skirts and grunting/whimpering/screaming like they’re having an hour long romp in the sack. Serena Williams causes televisions to turn off all on their own, to save the screen from cracking under the pressure of her severe manliness. If she scared you, just take a quick look at Maria Sharapova to set your eyes straight.
Contrary to popular belief, Jocelyn Wildenstein did not play Cat Woman in any Batman films or series. She is simply called the Cat Woman because she looks like a puma that got run over by a truck. She grew up filthy rich and became Hollywood famous for her ridiculous number of plastic surgeries, amounting to upwards of four million dollars worth of procedures. No matter what she has done, she only ever looks more like a tranny, and scarier than ever.
Jamie Lee Curtis
Jamie Lee Curtis fans — cool your jets. We’re not saying she’s a tranny, and we’re not saying that she’s a bad actress. We loved her character in Trading Places, and she pretty much made Halloween work all by herself. The problem is that, even back in the days of Halloween, there were whispers about Jamie’s mannish looks. She can glam it up, some, but when it comes down to it she’s got the build of a skinny body-building dude, and a face that doesn’t exactly scream femme.
This girl can glam it up with the best of them, assuming she has an army of beauticians on hand to do the hours of work required to accomplish such a feat. She’s beyond fugly and always has been, and she does everything she can to keep it from being wholly apparent to her hordes of loyal fans. Fact is, she looks like Peter Weller, and it’s just plain irksome to see her used in countless ads for beauty products when they clearly didn’t work on her.
k.d. lang (Yes, Lower Case)
k.d. lang — purposely left without capital letters because she thinks she’s the more masculine, folksy version of Prince — is a Canadian singer/songwriter who has won a veritable slew of high-honor awards in her career. She just recently sang “Halleluja” at the opening ceremony of the Winter Games in Vancouver, and she has a huge fan base. The confusing part is why she doesn’t just go ahead and get the operation already, because she literally appears to be a man. She likes to tout herself as some sort of poster… (posterboy? postergirl?) Advocate of LBGT rights, which is just fine and dandy, but she’s confusing the hell out of us in the meantime.
Written by Cowboy on March 22nd, 2010 | Tagged as: Popular Culture