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Television characters are as diverse as television show premises. But what always makes for good television is a good old-fashioned creepy character. This can either be a character accidentally, or purposefully made to unease viewers. In any case they are the characters for which lines are recited, and impressions are burned into our frontal lobes. Below is a list of the thirteen most prominent creepy characters in Television:
Alf – Alf
What need more be said by a voyeuristic garage-dweller with a strange fascination for cats? Even though it was typically laugh-tracked under the rug, one of Alf’s favorite fetishes was to barge in on a member of the Tanner Family while in a compromising situation – mostly, while they were in the bathroom. But even still, the US and much of the world was at one time mesmerized by this phallic-nosed alien to the point that merchandise bearing his likeness was ubiquitous – sold in market places as diverse as your local drugstore and Moroccan street markets. In this age of innocence, it was not uncommon for young children to sleep in a bed with not only Alf-themed sheets, but an Alf plush doll as well.
Joey Gladstone – Full House
Uncle Joey was like an asexual circus clown without the makeup and the large shoes. He would do funny voices and characters, ultimately in what seemed like an attempt to gain the trust of children.. Additionally, he lived in the attic, was occasionally employed, never dated, loved puppets, and always volunteered to babysit. If that’s not normal, what is?
T Bag – Prison Break
Most prison characters are screwed up in some way, but ‘Prison Break’s, T-Bag takes it to a whole new level. TV Guide called him, “… the creepiest character on TV.” And, when you understand this character’s back-story you understand why this is the case. As a native of the backwoods Conecuh County, Alabama, Theodore Bagwell (T Bag) was born of both incest and rape after his father sexually assaulted his Down syndrome-afflicted sister named Audrey. He was also molested by his father., to boot. This background predisposes his character’s willingness to lead the Alliance for Purity gang, and sexually prey upon younger inmates. Sorry you had to read this, but regardless, f@%&ing creepy!
Tobias Funke – Arrested Development
Aside from being a character in one of the best sitcoms of the 00’s, Tobias Funke (David Cross) is best appreciated from a distance. The reason for this is that his actions are hilarious, if they’re not directed towards you. Michael Bluth (Jason Bateman) was the consummate object of Tobias’ affection, and was continually having to put up with Tobias’ homoerotic advances. Not that there is anything wrong with homoerotic advances, it just begins to get a little creepy when that person secretly snuggles with you in your sleep…and they are a “never nude”…and they are married to your sister.
Boner – Growing Pains
In the 1980s there was a popular show called, “Growing Pains”, which featured a character named, “Boner”. Subtle? In any case, this character was the best friend of Michael Seaver (Kirk Cameron), and this sex-addict was forcibly hitting on young women in virtually all of his scenes. Most people know someone like this, the guy who never grows up, and eventually becomes that weird uncle that noone lets their daughters get a ride home from soccer practice with.
Herbert – Family Guy
‘Family Guy’ is known for taking the inappropriate in American culture one step further. And Herbert (the old pedophile), is no exception. While toothless and unable to get around without the assistance of walker, this ambitious, old pedophile is consistently devising ways to put young boys in compromising situations. Sometimes this involves free back rubs, or popsicles (which are kept in the cellar). The only way this character is able to get away with the things he says is because he is animated.
Wilson – Home Improvement
“Howdy Neighbor!” It sure is interesting that Wilson always seemed to know more about the Taylor family than Tim did himself. Also, the show never revealed if Wilson was ever wearing anything other than his fishing hat.
Mel – Flight of the Conchords
Obviously this character was written to be creepy in that awkward funny kind of way, and because she is a girl no one takes offense. If Mel was a guy, most people would refer to him as “sexually aggressive”. The funniest thing about Mel’s character is that she does not stop hitting on the Conchords, even when they are together, and even when her husband is driving them all around – during which she sits in the back with Bret and Jermaine. But just like Funke (above), this type of character is best appreciated from a distance.
Mr. Belvedere – Mr. Belvedere
Here’s the basis for this show: Mr. Belvedere immigrates to the US and takes a job as the butler for an American middle class family. Anyone else see what’s wrong with this picture? Middle class … that’s right, what middle class family has a butler? It is never quite mentioned how Mr. Belvedere is compensated, but it is implied that he continues working this job out of the goodness of his heart. Also, what is not quite brought up during the life of this sitcom is the true nature of the relationship between this pencil-moustached British gentleman, and the Owens’ youngest boy, Wesley. In any case, ‘Mr. Belvedere’ was in 2001 made the official television show of NAMBLA.
Baby Sinclair – Dinosaurs
In the early 1990’s ABC featured a sitcom about a family of anthropomorphic dinosaurs including a pink baby that looked demonic. People were just waiting for this little creepy bastard’s head to start spinning and begin to start projectile vomiting all over his family. Unfortunately, this never happened. Eventually, dolls of the little dinosaur were produced, and due to the popularity of the show many children had to sleep with these things every night.
Creed – The Office
Creed has very shifty eyes, and you can’t trust anyone with shifty eyes. He always is continually stealing, buying people online and doing things typically associated with being a low-life. Furthermore, it seems Creed not only wears womens underwear, but he wears womens underwear that he stole from your sister. Yep, he’s that guy.
Balki Bartokomous – Perfect Strangers
One of the most popular sitcoms from the 1980’s was ‘Perfect Strangers’. This showed featured Larry Appleton (Mark Linn-Baker) and his distant cousin Balki Bartokomous (Bronson Pinchot) – from the fictional island of Mypos – living together in Chicago. The basic concept of the show was that Bartokomous was a creepy and naive immigrant, and Appleton was a neurotic misanthrope. While Bartokomos was strangely awkward during his interactions with women, it was his strange fascination for sheep and his dance of joy, that merit his placement on a definitive list of creepy television characters.
Darlene Connor – Roseanne
Don’t let this picture fool you. Behind this charming trailer trash facade, lies the and most unattractive and dysfunctional family in TV history. The creepiest of the lot, was Darlene Connor, played by actress Sara Gilbert. Extremely pale, awkward, everything-loathing; she was the epitome of the family member – the middle child – that simply does not fit in. What made viewers uneasy about her character is that, with each passing moment, she looked closer and closer to slitting everyone in the house’s throats, and setting the house ablaze.
Horace Bing – Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman
Just look at this guy.