12 People Who Are Clearly Not Smarter Than A Fifth Grader

The world is full of stupid people; it’s just one of those facts we all know and live with as we carefully step through each and every day of our lives. Sometimes, when we watch television, or read magazines, we pay particular attention to some of these people, in morbid curiosity, as they do what they do best — make fools of themselves. While there may be billions of fools out there, these 12 very famous people have been deemed fit to be recognized as being dumber than a fifth grader.



Sarah Palin

Yes, we knock on ex-Governor Sarah Palin quite a bit, but let’s face it; she asked for every sentence. The woman is clueless in every way, and unless the subject has to do with cooking moose, she has no idea what she’s talking about in any given conversation. She shows, time after time, how ignorant she is each and every time she steps in front of a camera and opens her mouth — it’s as simple as that. In case you’ve grown comfortable and managed to forget already, the video above should serve as an unpleasant reminder of just how stupid the former governor of Alaska really is.



Paris Hilton

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Of all the vapid, self-important, talentless rich-kids to have made a name for themselves after leaving Daddy’s penthouse, Paris Hilton has got to be the most successful. How she got where she is today is no secret — sex sells — but the fact that she’s not only remained in the public eye but actually gained favor is inexplicable. This is the same girl who asked if they sell walls at Walmart. This is the girl who didn’t know what a soup kitchen was, the girl who’s deluded enough to believe that she’s actually made “all” her money on her own, without any help. She may be good enough at memorizing lines to ace a short commercial during a presidential election, but she’s not fooling anyone.



Sherri Shepherd

Unimaginably moronic simpleton that she is, Sherri Shepherd somehow managed to get through life not just somewhat successfully, but the woman regularly co-hosts one of the most-watched shows on TV. How she got this far is beyond reason and will probably never be known, but she’s made sure to show the world just how incredibly inept she truly is on several occasions. In the video above, she asserts that “Jesus came first” when confronted with the historical fact that Christians came after the Romans, who came after the Greeks. This wasn’t her first rodeo, though — she still hasn’t decided whether or not the world is flat.



Miss South Carolina Teen USA, Caite Upton

Caite Upton made a fool of herself in front of audiences the world over when she opened her mouth on live television to answer a simple question regarding the ignorance of her fellow Americans during the 2007 Miss Teen USA competition. “Like such as” became the catchphrase of the entire year, and the state of South Carolina collectively hid its face in shame. Not surprisingly, Upton has managed to get herself another gig in front of the camera; this time it’s TV’s The Amazing Race, in which she’s currently competing alongside her boyfriend of the moment. In her bio for the show, she’s listed her achievements as simply “being able to overcome the embarrassment from the flub I made on national television during the Miss Teen USA pageant.”



Glenn Beck

There’s no way to tip-toe around this one, Glenn Beck is an extreme example of just how low the standards have become for someone to host a show on a major news network. The man is beyond ignorant, which he proves time and again (every time his show airs), but it’s never so readily apparent as when he pulls out his chalkboard to attempt to prove some sort of point. In the hilarious clip shown in the video above, Beck attempts to spell the word OLIGARCHY. Needless to say, it doesn’t end well.



“Speidi”

Few people in this world are more hatable than Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. There simply isn’t one shred of humanity between the two of them that would warrant not hating them, but their being a couple of grade-A douchebags isn’t what gets them on this list. While most of what they do is — on the surface — nothing but a desperate bid for more media attention, it becomes pretty plainly obvious that they are actually and truly stupid people when examined more closely. Watching the video above will make you cringe, and may actually cause permanent damage to the part of your brain that tries to cope with immense stupidity, so watch at your own risk.



Jessica Simpson

Jessica Simpson, though somehow able to make the majority of Americans adore her despite her severe case of man-jaw, is a vapid waste of good film — on a good day. The classic clip shown above of Simpson difference between chicken and tuna is unforgettable, but it was far from the only instance of its kind. Among the very best of the rest are gems like her mistaking buffalo wings for actual buffalo wings, and our absolute favorite: “On my first day of junior high I was in Geography class, and the teacher asked us if anybody knew the names of the continents. And I was sooo excited. I was like, Damnit! It’s my first day of 7th grade, I’m in junior high and I know this answer. So I raised my hand I was the first one and I said A-E-I-O-U!”




Kanye West

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Whether you’re a fan of his music or not, Kanye West has made himself quite the spectacle over the last few years. For having sold as many albums as he’s sold, Kanye has actually managed to become more famous for acting stupid than he has for his music. That achievement alone makes him something of a historical figure, but to top it all off the guy decided he was going to “write” a “book.” In a feeble attempt to add author to his ever-growing resume, Kanye released Thank You and You’re Welcome, a stirring philosophical masterpiece of third-grade proportions. To add further fodder for insults, he couldn’t even put the “book” together by himself and had to share a byline with some random guy nobody had ever heard of before. He’s also notorious for not understanding the difference between capital and lowercase letters; if you ever feel the urge to be like Kanye while you lurk around the Internet, you should try this handy bookmarklet for your browser.



Britney Spears

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Britney Spears was America’s sweetheart for a good month or so before she started racking up skank-points and behaving badly, but it wasn’t her penchant for scandal that made her eligible to be on this particular list. Spears earned her spot by a mix of sheer force of will and mush for brains. Aside from going completely insane and pulling a Sinead’o on her head, it was always Britney’s way with words that really made us pause (and work out what she meant to say). She’s said a great deal of truly stupid things over the years, like having been to “lots” of overseas places, Canada being one of them, but our very favorite quote from the queen B has to be this gem: “I’ve never wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don’t like eating fish. And I know that’s very popular out there in Africa.” â€¨â€¨

Tara Reid

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When the subject of grotesquely stupid Hollywood dimwits is broached, somebody usually blurts out the name Tara Reid — sometimes as an involuntary muscle response. She got her start in an episode of Saved by the Bell (not the good one, one of the crappy spin-offs), then moved on to appear in a slew of shows and movies, playing one terrible role after another. The girl was nominated twice at the Raspberry Awards; once for Worst Supporting Actress and once for Worst Actress. She’s a terrible actress, and a drunk to boot, but more than anything else she’s just plain dumb. If this girl were to play a game of chess with a stuffed animal, she’d probably lose; she even stated that she “makes Jessica Simpson look like a rock scientist.” Yes, a “rock scientist,” and we don’t think she meant “geologist,” either.




Carrie Prejean

Carrie Prejean, at first glance, seems like a decently well put-together young woman. In the short news blips, sound bites, and rehearsed interviews, Prejean comes across as remarkably level-headed for what she is — an idiot. She may not be on the same level as Tara Reid, but this girl is not going to be winning any of Ben Stein’s Money anytime soon. In the video above, she makes a strong attempt to keep her composure and remember her rehearsed responses while she’s being interviewed by Larry King, but finds herself locked in a mental hamster’s wheel (which is about all she has rattling around up there) when King asks about her motives for wanting to settle out of court in the recent drama surrounding her behavior and the title of Miss California USA. Apparently, inappropriate is the biggest word she knows, and she’s not afraid to use it — inappropriately.



George W. Bush

Normally, there would be a heavy sense of propriety that would stop somebody from including a man with such a lofty title in a list such as this. Clearly, G.W. is an exception to that rule, as no list of this sort could possibly be complete without the master of grammatical embarrassment’s official inclusion. Bush was no weekend-warrior in the fight against the English language, either; the man left a trail of butchered phrases everywhere he went, and hundreds of “Bushisms” have been collected over the years to prove it. Entire books have been released with nothing but his hilariously misguided adventures in public speaking — which makes him the indisputable champion of this list.


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