12 of the Manliest World Records

There are absurd world records, and then there are absurdly manly world records. Sometimes it may be a bit difficult to tell the difference between the two, but in some cases the record is simply too macho to be mistaken for anything else. These 12 world records — and the men who set them — are the greatest and manliest we could dredge up. Whatever your record fancy, these guys do not disappoint.

Heaviest Weight Dangled from a Swallowed Sword

Sword Swallowing is an age-old art form that has delighted onlookers for hundreds of years. Many people think it’s all fake until they see a guy do it in front of them, with a real sword — and they never doubt them again. The act of swallowing a sword in and of itself is something already pretty damned manly, but taking that trick to a whole new level by hanging weights off the thing is just plain ridiculous. In the video we see Matthew Henshaw of Australia taking a 16 inch sword, swallowing it, and then hanging a 44 lb bag of potatoes off it. He battled back and forth with the infamous Space Cowboy, increasing the weight record, until just recently when a third party came out of nowhere and took the title. Thomas Blackthorne, of the UK, hung over 55 lbs from a swallowed sword in 2009. â€¨â€¨

Heaviest Aircraft Pulled (Individual)

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Kevin Fast, who doesn’t look as fast as he does monstrously huge, is world-renowned and filthy famous for pulling massive vehicles that are usually towed by tractors of some sort when not under their own power. His grandest accomplishment? Late last year, the man pulled a CC-177 Globemaster III transport aircraft, weighing 188 tons, a distance of over 28 feet. He did it with a harness and his own sheer strength.

Most Push-Ups (Using Back of Hands) in One Hour

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We all know at least one guy who thinks he can do a lot of push-ups, and some of them actually can do a decent amount of them. None of them could come close to the jaw-dropping challenge of endurance and strength that Paddy Doyle of the UK displayed in 2007 — he did 1,940 push-ups in one hour flat, on the backs of his hands. As if his name weren’t awesome enough, the guy has to go and do a thing like that.

Most Live Rattlesnakes Held in the Mouth

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One thing that most of you would never think to do, as you sit around bored and out of recreational carcinogens, is to place the rattling tail of a live rattle snake in your mouth. At least, we hope not. This guy not only thought that would be a fun idea, but that he could have ten times the fun if he fit the tails of ten rattle snakes in his mouth. Seriously. Jackie Bibby did it, without any assistance, in front of mortified bystanders in NYC back in 2006. He had to hold the snakes in his mouth for ten full seconds to set the record .

Oldest Father

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Most men dream of having a long, fruitful life full of sex, but sadly it just doesn’t work out that way for most of them — aside from the ones happily popping those little blue pills. Nanu Ram Jogi, an Indian farmer, had what he thinks was his 21st child in 2007 when he was 90 years old. Now with his fourth wife, Jogi happily said that while he had lost count of how many kids he’s already had, that he wanted to keep on truckin’ and see if he can’t last past 100 years. When asked about how he does it, Jogi said that A: Women love him, and B: He eats a ridiculous amount of meat and takes regular walks. Sounds like a winning combination, doesn’t it?

Heaviest Weight Lifted by Tongue

Yes, by tongue. And to top it off, our friend Thomas Blackthorne — the same guy who holds the record for a weight dangled from a swallowed sword — broke this one by lifting well over 25 lbs with nothing but his tongue and the hook in it. You think you’ve got some slick pickup lines? Try beating this guy’s.

Heaviest Deadlift

A 26 year-old beast from Iceland, Benedikt Magnússon currently holds the (seemingly unbeatable) world record for the deadlift — at over 1100 lbs. To make the performance even mightier looking, the Strongman rules allow the use of whole wheel-sets off Hummers to be used instead of the more compact standard weights, and that’s what the massive Magnússon hoisted in front of a thrilled crowd to win his title.

Longest Human Penis

There are always jokes floating around, and there probably have been for about 100,000 years, but nobody has ever had the actual clinical title before when it comes to the world’s longest penis. Jonah Falcon (yes, that’s his real name) is the unfortunate man cursed with this burden; he has a 13.5 inch penis. According to Jonah, he can envelop a door knob with his foreskin, and he hasn’t had a girlfriend in over 12 years. When asked why he doesn’t simply work in pornography, he cites his unwillingness to “take the easy way out,” but it’s not that simple. His penis is so large, that when he becomes fully erect he runs the risk of fainting from the lack of blood. That whole biggest penis thing — turns out it’s not so awesome after all.

Most Concrete Blocks Broken in a Minute

In 2009 a man by the name of Ali Bahçetepe went to Madrid to perform an act in front of live audiences — and Guinness judges. He was going to attempt to break the world record for the highest number of concrete blocks broken by hand in under a minute. Ali savagely ripped through 888 blocks in a whirlwind blitz. The sheer awesomeness of that is almost too much to fathom without video evidence, which we luckily have.

Most Krystal Burgers Eaten in 8 Minutes

In stark contrast to feats of athleticism and penile capabilities, Joey Chestnut prefers to beat lesser men at the game of eating. The guy wolfed down 103 Krystal burgers (that’s White Castle to some of you) in just under eight minutes back in 2007. Joey also holds records; including eating 47 grilled cheese sandwiches in 10 minutes, 45 pork pulled sandwiches in 10 minutes, 231 gyoza in ten minutes, and a slew of other foods in mind-bendingly short periods of time as well. â€¨â€¨

Heaviest Weight Lifted

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Of all the strongmen in the world, past and present, none have ever beaten the legend. Paul Anderson, an American, was nothing short of a behemoth. In June of 1957, he lifted an astonishing 6,270 lbs in a backlift. The man was a monster, and his record hasn’t been beaten to this day — probably because nobody has been crazy enough to try it.

Greatest Distance Attained for a Jet of Semen

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Finally, the absolutely most ridiculously manly accomplishment in the history of mankind. Horst Shultz is such a beast of a man that he was able to fire his semen an unheard-of 18 feet, nine inches. Not only did he max out the distance record to a point that seems unbeatable, but he holds the record for height (over 12 feet) as well as force of ejaculation — clocked at almost 43 mph.

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