The 10 Stupidest Deaths of All Time
In general, it’s quite inappropriate to mock someone’s death – it’s something that comes to us all and is usually deeply unpleasant and entirely unfortunate. However, there are people that seem to bring death upon themselves through acts of heroic idiocy and those people deserve everything that they get. Today, we’re looking at the people who have died the 10 stupidest deaths of all time.
The Window Tester
It’s good to have faith in things around you. It’s a bad idea to have so much faith that you decide to bet your life on it. That’s exactly what the Canadian lawyer, Garry Hoy, did when from the comfort of his 24th floor office – he claimed that the glass in the windows of the building could not be broken. Instead of testing this theory with a handy brick; Garry charged the window with his body. The first time around the glass held. It held the second time too but sadly for Garry the window frame popped out of socket and he and the unbroken glass fell to the sidewalk below.
The Mobile Mechanic
James Burns of Michigan died at the sorrowful age of 34 when he decided that the best way to repair his truck would be from underneath that truck – while it was travelling on a highway. He roped in his equally dimwitted buddy and clung to the underside as his friend drove off and was promptly crushed to death.
The Stolen Sledge
If you ever decide to visit a ski resort you might think carefully before purloining a protective mat from the metal barriers on the slopes. David Monk whilst visiting Italy didn’t do much thinking when he grabbed his mat and turned it into an impromptu sled. He zipped down the slope on his newly found sled and then slammed head first into the barrier he’d nicked the protective mat from – it killed him instantly.
The Doggie Diddler
Sean McDonnell is doing time in an Irish jail on behalf of his dog. Sean’s a fairly kinky guy and he used to roam bestiality chatrooms where he met an unnamed lady. He offered to introduce her to his Alsatian dog and she happily accepted. She came round and then things got well… unmentionable between her and the hound. A few hours later she was dead; she was allergic to the dog’s semen. Sean was charged with “buggery contrary to Section 61 of the Offences against the Person Act 1861” presumably because they couldn’t find anything more precise to charge him with.
The Irregular Use of a Chainsaw
If drinking and driving don’t mix – it’s fair to say that you shouldn’t try playing with chainsaws after a few cold ones. In Poland, Krystof Azninski and his chum decided to ignore that rule. They were engaged in a game of macho one upmanship. They began with a few slaps, moved onto chucking frozen turnips at each other’s heads before Krystof’s chum had the brilliant idea of chain sawing his own foot off. Krystof couldn’t let that go by without a response; so he used the chainsaw on his own head. Bye Krystoff.
The Home Made Bungee Cord
Eric Barcia of Virginia decide to prove that a home made bungee cord could be every bit as effective as paying to use a safety tested cord. He measured up the drop at 70 feet and then bought some scrap bungee cord which he tied together to form a “just shy of 70 feet” cord. The trouble is that poor Eric had forgotten one thing – bungee cord stretches when it’s in use.
The Wrong Time to Reach for a Cigarette
Smoking is a filthy habit and it’s well known that smoking can cause cancer and all sorts of other horrible injuries. What’s also fairly well known is that it’s a really bad idea to drink gasoline. Yet Gary Allen Banning apparently didn’t know that second fact so after downing a glass of gasoline at a friend’s house by mistake – he decided he couldn’t wait for cancer to finish him off and lit a cigarette. Unsurprisingly this led to self-immolation and Gary caught fire before coughing his last hurrah.
The Really Bad Disguise
For decades it’s been common knowledge that if you want to rob a bank; you wear a disguise. Traditionally this has been in the form of balaclava or perhaps a pair of pantyhose modified for the occasion. Thomas James apparently wasn’t a stickler for tradition so when he and his chum went to rob a convenience store; his disguise consisted of spraying his face gold with industrial paint. Industrial paint which very clearly had on the bottle “no contact with skin or eyes” and sadly for our hapless robber – shortly after the robbery he stopped breathing due to the pain and never started breathing again.
The Wrong Way to Be an Alcoholic
Michael Warner. a 58 year old. was a serious alcoholic. He’d also got a bad throat infection which made drinking a deeply unpleasant experience. But he couldn’t live without his fix and so he had the brilliant idea of asking his wife to help him get drunk by delivering the booze as *ahem* an enema. He shoved 3 liters of sherry up his posterior and then promptly died of alcohol poisoning. We’d like to say we were making this up but his wife was charged with attempted murder for this – though the charges were eventually dropped.
The Fish Swallower
You’ve all heard of the horse whisperer, well it might have been best if Michael Gentner had taken up that profession. At the age of 23 in Ohio Mr. Gentner went a different route with a drunken bet among his buddies. They bet he couldn’t swallow a fairly substantial 5-inch long live fish without chewing it. Michael rose to the challenge manfully enough and then he choked to death on the fish. Fortunately, his friends weren’t charged with involvement in his death.