10 of the Manliest Female Celebrities
Female celebrities are typically known for being unrealistically hot, and the public marvels at their ability to appear flawlessly beautiful both on and off screen. Female celebrities flaunt their femininity using makeup, clothing, and plastic surgery to accentuate their girlish qualities. But sometimes, intentionally or not, along comes an atypical female celeb with atypically mannish qualities. Whether it’s the result of a botched plastic surgery, too many hours at the gym, or getting stuck with genes that have been scraped from the bottom of the pool, the following not-so-lovely ladies are known for their utter manliness.
+10 Leathery Skin, +10 Man Face. Level 20 ManLady.
Donatella Versace is an Italian fashion designer whose brother, Gianni Versace, created the famous Versace brand. Too many plastic surgeries have left her looking like a wrinkly cancer troll of the male gender.
+9 Plastic Surgery Gone Wrong, +8 Man Face. Level 17 ManLady.
Jocelyn Wildenstein is a person famous for no reason other than being absurd. Jocelyn was born into an incredibly rich family and has made a name for herself as a skilled hunter and plastic monster. In an attempt to appear more ‘cat-like,’ something which she thought would make her husband love her more, Wildenstein has spent a whopping $4 million on various plastic surgeries. But despite her utterly beautiful transformation, her husband filed for divorce. Wildenstein’s sheer ugliness inspired a musical titled ‘Bride of Wildenstein,’ in which Wildenstein was played by a tranny.
+5 Man Face, +5 Looks Like Hulk Hogan With Implants. Level 10 ManLady.
Brooke Hogan is the daughter of famous WWE wrestler Hulk Hogan, and she looks like him in drag. She’s tried her hand at being a musical performer, but has always been a pretty irrelevant celebrity. Big, muscly, square-jawed, manly, and frightening are all words that come to mind when thinking of Brooke Hogan. Hogan’s managed to look sexy in rigorously photoshopped magazines like Maxim, but the true appearance of that mirage is a lumbering man-creature. Just like her father.
+6 Melty Man Face, +8 Skeletor Arms. Level 14 ManLady.
Madonna used to be a sex icon, and the number one master of sexiness on the entire planet. Her music has inspired people across the globe, and her image has titillated anyone lucky enough to see her in her prime. Unfortunately, she’s aging quite gracelessly and has begun to look like a mannish flesh puppet. Her unfortunate man face is withering at a relatively normal speed, melting and rearranging itself like any older celebrity who’s been worn out by years of practice and performances. It’s Madonna’s arms that are really creepy — they look like they’ve been amputated off of an old man and sewn onto her. Hours at the gym has perpetuated one of her flaws, and Madonna’s pale, stringy zombie arms are begging for sleeves.
+10 Ambiguity. Level 10 Shapeshifter.
World Champion of the 800 meter run Caster Semenya has inspired a lot of controversy surrounding her gender, so much so that Semenya was finally asked to take a gender test to determine whether or not she was allowed to keep the gold medal she had won this August. Tests have determined that Semenya is a hermaphrodite, has testosterone levels three times higher than what is normal for females, and doesn’t have ovaries. But the young athlete has always lived as a woman, does not have male genitalia and was permitted to keep her medal. Hooray! “God made me the way I am and I accept myself. I am who I am and I’m proud of myself,” she told You Magazine, where her pictures appeared after a feminine makeover.
+8 Man Face, +8 Blobbish Man Body. Level 16 ManLady.
Rosie O’Donnell is a famous television actress and rotund lesbi-man. However, Rosie’s manliness is a product of her desires, rather than the unfortunate side effect of drugs or plastic surgery. There’s nothing wrong with that, but she still looks like an angry Guido.
The Operation Repo Toad
+9 Man Face, +10 Blobby Man Body. Level 19 ManLady.
Here’s the ‘woman’ from TruTV’s hit show, Operation Repo. Operation Repo is a fake reality television show in which a team (of mostly lard asses) repossesses various types of vehicles from various wacky and ill-tempered people. Everything is a melodramatic reenactment, besides the main actress’ brutishness. She is truly a beast, and attempts to black out the manly parts of her face by drawing on her eyebrows and a bunch of hookerish black eyeshadow all fail miserably. Her mission: Painfully Impossible. Her face: Offensive.
+10 Neanderthal Man Face, +10 Steroid Enhanced Man Body, +10 Failed Plastic Surgery. Level 30 ManLady.
Chyna is a WWE wrestler famous for kicking ass and looking like the manliest woman possibly ever. Like every other male wrestler in the WWE, Chyna looks like a roid loving bodybuilder and is bursting at the seams with masculinity. Huge muscles, big goofy man-face, and veiny, claw-like hands define her figure. Seeing Chyna naked is an insult in itself — her plastic basketball tits and big muscly ass fail to accentuate her femininity and almost make the image worse. Chyna in makeup and heels isn’t much of an improvement either; it’s like unexpectedly stumbling upon a picture of a shut-in tranny who spends all their time shopping for lubricant on Amazon.com. Always scary. Never less shocking than the first time.
+10 Meth Face, +7 Man Body. Level 17 ManLady.
Pop star Fergie of The Black Eyed Peas looks like she has a nice body in low quality pictures, or when she’s far enough away from the camera to confuse you like a really mean trick. Besides pissing her pants during one of her performances, Fergie’s face is Haggard with a capital H. She was literally a meth addict and, like all of those suffering from the dreaded meth-face, still retains her rough edges in a face that says, “I was meant to be a man.” All the makeup in the world couldn’t hide a meth face.
+5 Man Face, +5 Man Body, +5 There Could Be a Penis Under There. Level 15 ManLady.
Pink is a pop star known for her ‘edginess,’ or what most would call ‘relentless manliness.’ Looking like she came straight from the trailer park and is eating a tube of toothpaste, Pink flaunts her man-belly. There is nothing feminine about her stomach. Her sides literally look like they’re leading down to a dick beneath her white cargo man-shorts. Pink’s small boobs don’t help her case, but even if they were huge it would make no difference; the man in her is bursting to come out in multiple areas. Not included in this photo: Pink’s manly horse thighs, muscly boy-arms.
Written by Cowboy on May 26th, 2010 | Tagged as: Popular Culture